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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116520">Addicted to Zoom</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwaekki/pseuds/dwaekki'>dwaekki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mixtape: Broken Kids [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, sequel to addicted to life! it only took two years</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:27:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,772</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwaekki/pseuds/dwaekki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>hyunjin takes over bang chan's therapy club <i>right</i> as quarantine hits... just his luck.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bang Chan &amp; Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Kim Seungmin &amp; Lee Felix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Mixtape: Broken Kids [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>189</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. How Much Do You Hate Quarantine?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello! it's addicted to life pt 2! inspired by quarantine &lt;3<br/>please enjoy and be extra cautious with triggers! I'll put the triggers included in each chapter in the notes again. take it easy, and take care of yourselves!<br/><b>tw</b> none</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Can I start this meeting off by telling you guys how much I <em>hate</em> this?" Hyunjin whined. Jeongin was the first to laugh -- or the loudest, anyway, since Zoom highlighted his screen in particular, and Hyunjin groaned at him, "Don't laugh at me, Innie. Do you know how bad I want to hug you? COVID-19 is <em>homophobic</em>, guys, can you believe it? I never thought I'd encounter <em>anything</em> more homophobic than my dad."</p><p>"You two finally dating?" Jisung asked, and Hyunjin's eyes went wide, body frozen. Jeongin laughed at him again, eyes rolling, "You couldn't have been any more obvious, huh, Jinnie?"</p><p>"Sorry." Hyunjin muttered. He rolled his shoulders, nervous, "I never thought I would be coming out over <em>Zoom</em>. I didn't even know this thing existed a few weeks ago!"</p><p>"Oh, please, we all knew you were gay." Minho said, to which Hyunjin began to protest, but Jeongin and Minho both spoke over him, and Zoom had a pretty difficult time catching up. The others watched, amused, as the three of them bickered, until Chan cut in, "Okay, okay, guys, Zoom likes to cut us off pretty quick unless we pay for more time. Hyunjin, since you took over the club, what do you think we should talk about today?"</p><p>Hyunjin smiled, pride written all over his expression for a moment, and then his face shifted into one of consideration. He was thinking; and he was thinking pretty deeply for a minute, until he came up with: "On a scale of one to ten, how much do you hate quarantine?"</p><p>"Wow, really?" Minho asked, and Hyunjin glared into his camera. Minho sighed, giving in, "Like a three. I have my own apartment now, and I like being able to lay on the floor with my cat for hours."</p><p>"You lay on the floor for hours?" Seungmin asked, and, with just as much judgement in his voice, Minho retaliated, "You don't?"</p><p>"Must be nice to be mentally stable enough to stay upright all day." Hyunjin said, side-eyeing his camera. Seungmin rolled his eyes at the two, who began to make noises at him, and cut into their bit, "I'm at a five, maybe a six. Like, I'm bored, but my bed is really comfortable, so I don't mind spending my days in it."</p><p>"I'm at a six, too." Jisung said. "I have to talk to my therapist over Zoom now, and I hate that, but staying inside and doing nothing is probably my favorite thing on earth."</p><p>"Irrelevant rating from the guy who gets to cuddle his boyfriend all day." Hyunjin said, crossing his arms. Jisung and Changbin were, indeed, together; and Jisung was currently visibly comfortable in Changbin's lap, while Changbin hooked his chin over Jisung's shoulder. Jisung shrugged carefully, "Still sucks to have to talk to my therapist over Zoom."</p><p>Hyunjin huffed, refused to look at his camera, and Changbin added fuel to Hyunjin's petty fire: "I'm at a zero. Nothing better than staying inside all day and cuddling the love of your life."</p><p>"How do you kick people out of a Zoom call?" Hyunjin asked, clicking around on his computer like he was actually going to do it. Minho laughed at him, "Has anyone ever told you that being petty is your worst trait?"</p><p>"Don't make me Google my question."</p><p>"BamBam, what's your number?" Seungmin asked. BamBam gave himself a second to think, and decided, "Two? I miss Chan, but I'm spending more time at home, studying a little more... it's okay."</p><p>"You miss Chan but not the rest of us. I see." Minho said.</p><p>"How about you, Chan?" Seungmin asked, but Chan couldn't answer after he burst out laughing at the face Minho made in response to Seungmin completely ignoring him. Chan knocked over his phone from laughing so much, and Seungmin asked Hyunjin, "While you Google your petty question, can you also find out how to mute someone?"</p><p>"I'm sorry." Chan said-- at first, in English, and then he switched over to Korean. At the slip of English, Felix asked, also in English, if Chan was okay, and Minho whined at them to switch back to Korean before they started talking about things he couldn't understand. Seungmin, too, joined the English train: "Chan, get ahold of yourself," and Minho told Hyunjin to just end the Zoom session at this point.</p><p>"I'm probably at a one." Chan said a few moments later, breathing through the rest of the laughter that wanted to escape him because of Minho's antics. "But it's only so low because of this call, and the ones to come. I <em>really</em> miss being outside."</p><p>"And you need some sun, babe." Minho said. Hyunjin perked up, "Babe? <em>Babe?</em> Are Jeongin and I not going to be the only gay couple exposed today?"</p><p>"Hyunjin, Minho calls everyone babe." Jisung said. Hyunjin frowned, "He doesn't call <em>me</em> babe."</p><p>"I don't like you." Minho deadpanned, and Hyunjin slapped his hand over his heart, "Someone I don't like doesn't like me back. That's tragic. That is truly a tragedy right there. I feel pain."</p><p>"I hate you so much." Minho groaned, and Hyunjin wailed, "He <em>hates</em> me! I am so hurt. I am truly in so much pain. Quarantine just skyrocketed to like a ten on the 'this sucks' scale."</p><p>"Why can't we virtually punch people yet?" Minho wondered.</p><p>"Who knows? Throughout quarantine, someone might just figure out how to make that a possibility." BamBam said. Then, he steered the rest back on track by asking Jeongin, "What's your number?"</p><p>Jeongin shrugged, "A five, maybe? I miss being able to sit in the group and order too much pizza. Being at home is too boring, and all my snacks are too healthy. I don't really have a lot to do except for think and eat berries."</p><p>"Think about me." Hyunjin said, smiling for Jeongin, which made Jeongin laugh, "I'm always thinking of you, Jinnie."</p><p>"This is disgusting." Minho groaned. "Felix, save us, tell us your number."</p><p>"I don't really know what my number is." Felix said, shrugging. "Zero, I guess. Maybe one, since I'm worried about my family getting the virus, but we're all relatively healthy and cautious, so it's okay!"</p><p>"What if I get the virus on purpose and then go cough in my dad's face?" Minho wondered, and Hyunjin snapped his fingers in encouragement, "I support you."</p><p>"<em>No</em>, Minho, don't get sick." Chan said, and Minho promised he was just joking. BamBam asked, "Hyunjin, how about you? What's your number?"</p><p>"85."</p><p>"<em>Hyunjin</em>."</p><p>"I want a hug!" Hyunjin whined. Jeongin spread his arms and said, "Come close to your camera. I'll give you a virtual hug."</p><p>Hyunjin practically flopped against his camera, completely blacking out the screen, and Jeongin did the same. The rest watched, amused, until Jisung suggested, "Group hug?" and they all pressed their shoulders to their cameras for a few seconds -- even Minho, who complained about how stupid it was to do so.</p><p>Hyunjin seemed satisfied after the virtual hug, "Okay. I'll drop it to a five."</p><p>"A whole 80 points down -- you're easy to please." Minho said.</p><p>"Hyunjin would kill a man for one hug." Jeongin said. Minho perked up at the idea, "I'll give you a hug if you kill my dad."</p><p>"Bet."</p><p>"<em>No</em>." Chan said. "That's enough murder talk for today. I'm glad everyone's doing well, and no one is above a six, for now. Hyunjin, do you want to wrap up before Minho tries to plot a genuine assassination?"</p><p>"Quarantine sucks. I love you all." Hyunjin said. He waved at his camera, and everyone said their goodbyes. Hyunjin gave his camera one more blackout hug before he ended the call.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. How Many Times Have You Almost Died?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>tw</b> talk about suicide and near-death experiences</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Get this, guys. I think spending your whole life wanting to die is actually really beneficial. Because! Hear me out. If you ever get caught in a life-threatening situation, you don't feel fear. If you already <em>want</em> to die, you just end up thinking: You know, I've <em>kind of</em> been wanting this to happen anyway. No bad feelings in a scary situation! Just relief! Maybe even <em>joy</em> -- isn't that something?"</p><p>"Hyunjin, you're the exact type of person who needs professional help." Minho said, but, of course, he laughed his way through the statement, along with everyone else. Hyunjin complained, "I'm serious! Tell me I'm not a philosopher, with ideas like that."</p><p>"You're definitely not a philosopher." Changbin said, his face contorted in mock pain, "I have a philosophy class for the summer, and my professor is simultaneously the most boring and pretentious person ever. I think you have to be totally unlikable to be a philosopher."</p><p>"I'm sitting right here, Bin," BamBam said, faking like he took offense to the statement. Changbin rolled his eyes, "At least you have a business double major."</p><p>"Boring, pretentious, <em>and</em> a rich, capitalistic asshole. Damn, Bambi, you're the whole package." Minho whistled. BamBam glared at his camera for a moment, and then he looked to Hyunjin's screen, "<em>Anyway</em>, Jin, what are we talking about today?"</p><p>"I think we should talk about near-death experiences." Hyunjin said happily -- too happily in juxtaposition to what he just said. "I bet not all of us have those."</p><p>"Hyunjin. You do remember that more than half of us have tried to kill ourselves, right?" Seungmin asked, and Hyunjin choked, seeming to have forgotten to consider that fact. He quickly said, "Those don't count!" and Minho groaned, "That's not fair," and Chan laughed, his face twisted with confusion.</p><p>"<em>Accidental</em> near-death experiences." Hyunjin revised. "I have three that I can remember."</p><p>"Do share," BamBam encouraged. Hyunjin dove into a story about the first time he ever choked on something; the small piece of fruit-- what fruit, he didn't remember-- he was eating was lodged in his throat for so long that his face turned a weird shade of red-purple, and he fell down the stairs trying to get some help, which dislodged the fruit, with the way his neck rolled, and he lay at the bottom of the stairs for seventeen or so minutes, crying and panting until his mother found him and asked what the <em>hell</em> he was doing.</p><p>"So you pretty much almost died twice in less than five minutes." Jeongin concluded. "How bad did you roll your neck on the stairs that it <em>dislodged a piece of fruit</em> from your throat?"</p><p>"I don't know, baby, but I can tell you my neck hurt for a <em>week</em> after that. Also, I didn't eat fruit for a month." Hyunjin said. Minho scoffed, "A whole month without strawberries? I could never."</p><p>"You have an unhealthy addiction to strawberries." Seungmin pointed out. Minho disagreed, "I have a <em>normal</em> addiction to strawberries. Anyone who isn't addicted to strawberries is wrong."</p><p>"I hate strawberries," Changbin said. Jisung turned to him in shock and said something, but it was so sudden that Zoom didn't project the noise over Minho asking, "Hyunjin, did you ever find out how to kick someone out of a Zoom call?" to which Hyunjin shrugged, "I'd test it on you first."</p><p>"I hate it here." Minho muttered. "Go back to telling us how you almost died."</p><p>Seungmin snorted, and BamBam's mouth dropped open slightly, a small, shocked smile lifting his expression. Hyunjin, though, continued excitedly, not quite catching the way Minho jokingly tried to offend him, "The second time, I pissed my bully off so bad that he stabbed me."</p><p>The shocked "What?" that came out of Jeongin's mouth was the loudest any of them had ever heard Jeongin speak. A chorus of other shocked and confused noises and words echoed behind Jeongin, but he was the loudest, and he got so close to the camera, it looked like he was about to jump through it. "Someone stabbed you? Hyunjin, oh my God, when did that happen? Did he go to jail?"</p><p>"Don't worry, baby, I transferred out of that school as soon as I got out of the hospital. I was almost on the other side of Korea when it happened. So, it was a good thing it happened, because I moved here and met all of you!"</p><p>"Getting stabbed is not a <em>good thing</em>--" Jeongin started, but Minho stopped him, "Let the puppy be excited about unfortunate events. At least he still finds the bright side of things."</p><p>"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." Hyunjin said, and Minho scowled, "I wasn't talking to you."</p><p>"You remind me of my old bully." Hyunjin teased, and Minho went silent, blinking, unsure of how to react. Hyunjin clarified, "Not the one who stabbed me, though," and Minho still didn't know how to react.</p><p>"Next story?" Seungmin suggested, and Hyunjin started, "When I was young, my dad got really drunk and threatened to kill me. He was banging on my door all night and yelling at me the whole time. He didn't remember what had happened, but once I told him, he promised he would never get that drunk again."</p><p>Felix asked, after a long, silent moment, "Did he keep that promise?"</p><p>"For the most part." Hyunjin shrugged. "He never tried to kill me again, so that's good!"</p><p>"Most of my near-death experiences come from my dad, too. My other ones were from me." Minho said. His tone indicated that he didn't want to elaborate, so Chan chimed in to keep the conversation going, "BamBam and I don't have any near-death experiences -- not ones that weren't our own fault. Right, BamBam?"</p><p>"Never came that close to death, myself." BamBam confirmed.</p><p>"I was almost kidnapped. I don't think I would have died as a result, though." Jeongin said. Felix gasped, sitting up on his bed to lean closer to his camera, "I was almost kidnapped, too! How old were you?"</p><p>"You people get excited about relating to each other in the strangest ways." Changbin chuckled. Jeongin ignored Changbin to tell Felix he was thirteen, and Felix hummed, a little disappointed by the way his relatability ran out -- said he was only six when he was almost snatched, but he also wasn't sure if he would have died or not.</p><p>"I almost got kidnapped by a religious cult." Jeongin said, and Felix frowned, "Strange. I was almost kidnapped by, like, a kidnapper. He had already kidnapped three kids in Australia. Their bodies never turned up, so they might have been alive somewhere."</p><p>"This conversation just keeps getting darker and darker." Minho said. Seungmin said, "The topic for today is near-death experiences, what did you expect?"</p><p>"Something funny like Hyunjin's first story." Minho said. Seungmin squinted at Minho in disbelief, "That was funny to you?"</p><p>"I'm fucked up, I have a weird sense of humor." Minho said, shrugging off Seungmin's expression and ricocheting the subject, "Does anyone have a funny story?"</p><p>Silence. Minho groaned, "Dammit. Lay more sadness on the table, then."</p><p>"Do accidental overdoses count as suicide attempts?" Jisung wondered, quiet and almost inaudible, but the rest of them had learned to listen close for Jisung's comments. Chan asked, carefully, "Let me know if I'm overstepping, Sung, but, when you told us that you tried to kill yourself nine times... were some of those accidental overdoses?"</p><p>"Not really." Jisung said. "My accidental overdoses were me trying way too much of a new drug at once, or mixing drugs that I shouldn't have. My suicide attempts were me knowingly taking too much, and waiting to see what would happen. I, uh, always hoped I would die."</p><p>Changbin had a pained look on his face as Jisung talked, and he seemed to hold onto Jisung tighter by the end of his statements. Everyone was quiet for another moment. Making each other speechless seemed to be a pattern today.</p><p>"I'm okay now." Jisung offered, along with a smile, to which Chan smiled back, soft, "And we're really happy about that, Jisung. We're proud of you."</p><p>Again, everyone fell silent for a few seconds. Jisung spoke up again, his expression indicating that he had just remembered his next thought: "I also almost got eaten when I was younger."</p><p>"By a cannibal?" Felix asked.</p><p>"<em>No</em>, by an alligator. I told you this story once, Lix." Jisung said, diving into it for the rest of the group: "I was in a zoo with my family when I was really young, probably six or so, and I fell into the alligator exhibit. One of them was about to get me, but the zookeeper grabbed me and saved me."</p><p>"That's horrifying." BamBam said, to which Jisung nodded and shrugged at the same time, "I don't even remember it that well, but my dad told me about it when I was fifteen, and I have a blurry memory of it now."</p><p>"You know what," Seungmin said, "That reminds me: When I was in middle school, a helicopter flew into my apartment complex. I was brushing my teeth for school, and it crashed into us. I don't remember it that vividly either, but it was all over the news. I think the pilots died."</p><p>"Was it <em>your</em> apartment that it crashed into?" BamBam asked, and Seungmin shook his head, "It was a couple floors down from us."</p><p>"What happened?" Changbin asked. Seungmin shrugged, "I don't know, I was at school."</p><p>"You <em>went to school</em> after that?" Jisung asked.</p><p>"What was I supposed to do, stay back and remove the helicopter?" Seungmin asked, his tone full of sarcasm. Chan approached his next sentence slowly, taking a few moments to let his mind form words that captured what he wanted to express, "That's a semi-traumatic event, Seungmin, you could have, like, taken a day off to relax around the neighborhood, clear your mind?"</p><p>"We're talking about the guy that tried to kill himself and came to school the very next day." Minho said. Hyunjin interrupted, "Yeah, but that was fate. What Seungmin did when he was younger was <em>stupid</em>."</p><p>"Thanks." Seungmin muttered.</p><p>"Next time something traumatic happens, we're here for you. If a helicopter crashes into your place of residence, you can stay with me. We'll disinfect you when you come over." Hyunjin said. Seungmin shook his head, cringing, "I'd rather try to remove the helicopter, this time."</p><p>"Why do you all hate me?" Hyunjin whined. Jeongin said, "I love you," and Minho said, "Don't join his side, Jeongin, we don't want to have to hate you, too."</p><p>"<em>Wow</em>."</p><p>"Our Zoom call is going to end soon." Hyunjin pouted. "Any more stories?"</p><p>No one said anything; a few of them shook their heads. No more stories. Hyunjin pouted even more, but he started their farewells, "Thank you for joining me today, and sharing all of your experiences. You all did very well today. I appreciate your active participation--"</p><p>"I'm leaving. I love you all-- bye!" Minho said, and he actually left the call. Hyunjin scowled, "He's my least favorite client. I can not <em>believe</em> he doesn't appreciate his therapist. I trained for this! I have a lifetime of experiences! I have been though <em>hell</em> and that ungrateful--"</p><p>Zoom ended the call before Hyunjin could finish.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. How Are You Doing Today?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>tw</b> talking about intense feelings, relapse/withdrawal, not much joking around</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"How are you doing today?"</p><p>"Wow, Jin, no witty introduction? No stupid story? I'm appalled." Minho said. Hyunjin winced, and he tried to hide it, but everyone saw. He spoke before anyone could call him out, though: "Yeah, sorry, I'm not really feeling it today. I'm kind of.... Sorry, I know we don't really do <em>serious</em>--"</p><p>"Wait a minute, no." Chan cut in immediately. "I don't want you or anyone else to think that. We don't normally do serious because we all agreed at the beginning that we would rather ignore our problems or confront them with laughter, but, from time to time, our emotions get overwhelming, and we <em>can't</em> joke anymore. We all know how that feels. Let's take a serious day, okay? If anyone doesn't feel up to participating in something like a heavier therapy session, it might be a good idea to head out. We can always hold a lighter group chat meeting later."</p><p>"Thanks, Chan." Hyunjin said softly, but he kept staring down, seemed too embarrassed to look at the camera for the time being. Minho said, softly, maybe a little awkwardly, but with a genuine tone, "I'm here for it. No jokes today."</p><p>"No jokes today." Seungmin agreed, and the rest chorused the same sentiment. Chan suggested, "Hyunjin, why don't you start us off? How are <em>you</em> doing today?"</p><p>"Not good. Clearly." Hyunjin said. He started tapping on his computer softly, jostling his camera a bit and chopping into his voice, but not to the point that it was annoying, or that his voice was inaudible. "I don't do well with isolation. When I'm not around people, I start to feel really heavy. I thought I was doing pretty okay at the beginning, but everything caught up to me pretty quickly, and all at once. I thought I could be alright for at least a month...."</p><p>"I can FaceTime more often, Jinnie." Jeongin suggested, and Hyunjin smiled, "Thanks, Innie, I appreciate that."</p><p>"You could FaceTime Jisung and I, too, if you want." Changbin offered, and Felix chipped in quickly, excitedly, "Me, too! I really like to FaceTime, and I'm available a lot!"</p><p>"I'll definitely take you guys up on that." Hyunjin said, rolling back his shoulders and releasing a lot of the tension he had in his body. "Thank you guys, really. You make me feel less lonely.... Does someone want to go next?"</p><p>"Do you get trapped in your head when you're alone, Jinnie?" Jeongin asked softly. Hyunjin nodded, and Jeongin looked sad, but his tone didn't reflect it. "Me, too. But writing your thoughts down helps! Want me to make you a cute journal, Jinnie? I'll bring it to you! We can meet outside, and we can wear masks and be really careful if we hug!"</p><p>"You're the love of my life." Hyunjin said, his eyes getting teary, his smile turning happy. "I really want that."</p><p>"I'll come over Saturday." Jeongin beamed. "Also, I'm doing okay because of my journals, Jinnie, and Lixie! My life-savers."</p><p>"You and Lix are getting closer?" Minho wondered, and Jeongin nodded, excited in the way Felix often got excited, "Lixie and I FaceTime for a little while every night! Sometimes Seungmin joins us, but he's boring -- he sleeps early."</p><p>"I'm on a schedule." Seungmin said, scrunching up his nose. Felix wondered, "Why? What kind of schedule?"</p><p>"I have to be, or else I'll get really caught in a rut -- kind of like how Hyunjin and Jeongin talked about." Seungmin said. "I go to bed when I get tired, so I fall asleep quickly. I wake up really early, and I work out a little bit, and I study, and schedule eating times, because I need a lot of things to do to be organized, or else I'll get lazy and depressed and just lay around all day without taking care of myself. For the record, my schedule's the only reason I <em>don't</em> lay on the floor for hours a day anymore."</p><p>"I aspire to be like you." Minho said. "So you're doing okay then, Seungmin?"</p><p>"I'm doing really good. How are you doing, Minho?"</p><p>"Feeling a little bit like a failure right now." Minho said, shrugging. "If I'm not at work, I'm kind of just lazing around. My cat really helps me keep going, though. She's still pretty young, and she reminds me that I have to eat when she wakes me up for breakfast. I eat when she eats, and that's helpful, or else I'd forget a lot of the time. Uh... oh, and I have to clean her litter box every day, so I'm not <em>totally</em> useless at home. She's playful. We roll around on the floor a lot. I get her toys and we play, so she gets me moving. So, I guess I'm doing alright."</p><p>"So, start a schedule or get a cat. Got it." Chan noted. Minho asked, "Are you okay, Chan?"</p><p>"Yeah? I'm doing online internships right now, but that's it, so I'm mostly just bored, stuck with my thoughts when I can't think of what to do. Today's been good. I ordered some pastries this morning," Chan shrugged. He passed it to BamBam, who agreed that everything was sort of just <em>okay</em> -- not too good, not too bad. Studying, working a little bit, doing alright.</p><p>"How are you, Pixie?"</p><p>"Brief interruption." Minho said. "<em>Pixie?</em> That's the cutest thing I've ever heard in my life."</p><p>"Lix is like a fairy!" Jeongin said, which explained his nickname for Felix. "He's the cutest person in the world."</p><p>"You're too nice to me." Felix said, placing his hands on his cheeks as he smiled, as he spoke through his grin, "I'm doing really good. I don't like having to go out, but I miss having the option to a little bit. Today's been really calm, and Seungmin and I called for a few hours this morning. He read a poem to me!"</p><p>"Seungmin writes poetry?" Hyunjin wondered, and Seungmin nodded, "Part of my schedule. If I'm not in the mood to study, read, or watch something, I'll write. It's usually poetry."</p><p>"Can I propose a poetry day?" Hyunjin asked, and Jeongin jumped at the idea, "I want that! We can all write out any bad or exciting feelings we have and share them next week! Can we do that? Can we please do that?"</p><p>Everyone laughed or coo'ed at Jeongin's excitement, and Hyunjin told him, "Yes, baby, let's do that."</p><p>"I'm so excited." Jeongin said. "I bet you're all really good writers -- especially Seungmin, if you write so much. Binnie and Sungie write too, no? Oh! How are the lovebirds?"</p><p>"Ironic for <em>you</em> to call <em>us</em> lovebirds." Changbin said. He tilted his head to look at Jisung, who, of course, was on his lap, and had been particularly quiet so far, "Do you want to go first, baby?"</p><p>"No." Jisung said softly, and Changbin went ahead, his hand massaging Jisung's as he spoke, "Well, I'm doing alright. Jisung and I are working on a lot of things right now, trying to improve ourselves, be better people. My therapist and I are only meeting once a month, but she's really nice. Jisung and I tried to cook today, which was a little bit of a mess, but in the most fun way possible."</p><p>"He dumped flour in my pants." Jisung deadpanned, and everyone laughed. It took a minute for all the laughter to fade away, but Chan encouraged Jisung to talk about how he was doing when everyone quieted down. Jisung looked at Changbin briefly and sighed, "I... hate talking about this. But. I'm kind of... withdrawal is really hard." Jisung took a moment to breathe, and grip Changbin's hand. He seemed so embarrassed as he spoke, but he still spoke: "I feel like I'm on fire and all I really want to do is... yeah. I feel like shit for wanting to, but I feel like shit for not doing it at the same time, so... today's one of the harder days. Changbin's been trying to keep my mind off of it, and it's working, just... not really well. And it's not his fault! I swear, Bin, it's not your fault--"</p><p>"Shh, baby, it's okay. I know it's hard, it's okay." Changbin comforted, kissing Jisung's cheek and neck as Jisung's body started to shake. Jisung had tears in his eyes, now, but he hid behind his sleeves, and Changbin tucked Jisung into his chest, comforting him gently -- too silent for Zoom to hear. The others stayed silent, watching Changbin comfort Jisung, until Minho spoke up, still a little awkward, but still very genuine, "You're really strong, babe. You'll get through this, even if it's hard. We're here to support you. Especially Binnie. He's got you. We've got you."</p><p>"I know. I love you." Jisung muttered, muffled and quiet, but everyone else was so silent that it wasn't difficult to hear. Most of them said something: We love you too; We're here for you; We'll support you. Jisung gathered himself within a couple of minutes, trying to laugh off the awkward tears and saying, "We'll all make it through this. We're all really strong and... whatnot. Sorry. I'm not good at this."</p><p>"We'll all be okay." Chan said, picking up on Jisung's sentiment. "Thank you, Hyunjin, for initiating this conversation today. I think a lot of us needed to have a talk like that. It's great to hear that most of us are doing pretty well, and that the rest of us are trying our best. That's all we can do, and we're doing really well. We'll be okay."</p><p>"You're good at that, Chan." Minho said, and Chan smiled, "Thank you, I try."</p><p>"Does anyone else need to talk about anything?" BamBam asked. He received no response, except Seungmin said, after waiting a few beats for anyone else to speak, "I'm proud of you guys."</p><p>"Everyone's being so nice today." Hyunjin said, and Minho hummed, "Don't ruin it, nerd. Oh, wait, shit, I ruined the no joke thing--"</p><p>"You're <em>joking</em> when you call Hyunjin a nerd?" Seungmin asked, and Minho scoffed, "You know what I meant, asshole."</p><p>"You people are uncontrollable." BamBam said, laughing. Everyone was laughing, though -- at least smiling at Hyunjin's, Seungmin's, and Minho's antics. The three were the comedy relief they all needed, especially when the conversation fell serious like this.</p><p>In response to BamBam's words, Minho, Hyunjin, and Seungmin chorused their apologies; Chan reminded them, "You're the type of people we need in a therapy group."</p><p>"Are you feeling better, Hyunjin?" Felix asked, to which Hyunjin smiled, "Yes, I'm okay! You guys make me okay."</p><p>"You make you okay, too." Chan said. Hyunjin hummed, "I suppose. But you guys definitely help a lot."</p><p>"That's what we're here for." BamBam said. "And Jisung? Are you going to be okay today?"</p><p>"Definitely." Jisung said. He squeezed Changbin's hand again, "Talking about that lifted some weight off of me. Besides, I'm always okay with Bin."</p><p>"Good." BamBam said.</p><p>"Want to wrap us up, Hyunjin?" Chan asked, and Hyunjin rolled his eyes up in thought. "I love you guys. Everyone go eat a snack! If you don't text the group chat what you're eating, I'm going to assume you didn't eat anything and I'm going to come after you."</p><p>"I've never felt so threatened over food before." Minho said; Hyunjin narrowed his eyes, looking directly at his camera, "<em>Good</em>."</p><p>"Everyone go eat! I love you all!" Jeongin said. He was the first to hang up; Seungmin and Felix next, both waving at their cameras and promising to eat before leaving the call. Chan said, "BamBam, can I bring you lunch?" and BamBam told him, "<em>Please</em>--I skipped breakfast."</p><p>"Stay safe! Don't go out! Eat a lot!" Hyunjin encouraged. Chan and BamBam promised to do what Hyunjin suggested before they hung up, too.</p><p>"Does Changbin count as a snack?" Jisung teased.</p><p>"I hate couples <em>so</em> much." Minho complained, disappearing after that. Jisung and Changbin promised to eat after Hyunjin started whining at them about needing to eat <em>actual</em> food to boost their serotonin levels and feel okay for the rest of the day, at least. Changbin and Jisung left the chat, and Hyunjin ended the Zoom call entirely, wandering to his kitchen for some ramen and smiling in satisfaction at all the snacks and meals flooding the group chat.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Who's The Worst Person You Know?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>tw</b> talk about abuse, manipulation, and overall shitty people</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>minho:</strong> hey zoom isn't working for me</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> same, jisung and I are having some trouble</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> felix wasn't able to log in today</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> i nkew that bitch was unrealible!</p><p><strong>jisung:</strong> oh god what is that</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> minho please please bully zoom until it works again i can't take hyunjin's shitty spelling</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> don't u know ur spoused to spell things wrong over txt</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> txt? crown's my favorite &lt;3</p><p><strong>jisung:</strong> that's the only txt song you know</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> shhh</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> we could always just hold a meeting in here, since zoom is acting up for so many of us. hyunjin, what's the topic today?</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> please no</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> welll i wntd it to b peotry but snce zooms bein a asshle lets talk abt the worst ppl we knoww<br/><strong>hyunjin:</strong> the wors persn i know is zoom &lt;3</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> you really want me to talk about my dad some more? brave.</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> baby, you got STABBED, and you're hating on ZOOM?</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> i met you beause i got stabed so yes fukc zooms<br/><strong>hyunjin:</strong> *because</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> you have a lot more mistakes than that to fix</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> the worst person I know is hitler</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> uknoww hilter?</p><p><strong>bambam:</strong> someone you know personally, channie, don't be a smartass, we don't need to influence the kids even more</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> who are you calling a kid</p><p><strong>bambam:</strong> literally you</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> I don't know any bad people</p><p><strong>bambam:</strong> your ex?</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> why are you exposing me</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> whoa, chris has a shitty ex? tell!</p><p><strong>jisung:</strong> I'll be surprised if we don't all have shitty exes</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> you've never dated anyone except for me</p><p><strong>jisung:</strong> I broke up with drugs :P</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> yeah my ex was pretty abusive. emotionally, not physically, but, yeah...she manipulated me a lot, got pissed off at me for not texting or calling for more than an hour or so, stuff like that. I'd go to class and she claimed I was neglecting her. it got to the point that I was glued to her or my phone all the time, I was really anxious if I was away from her or my texts for more than a couple of minutes, which meant I didn't see anyone and my grades started slipping even more, it was pretty bad</p><p><strong>bambam:</strong> I wanted to pull her hair out. channie was already going through so much, and her being the way that she was to him on top of all of that....</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> drop her name we'll make a list and beat up everyone who was mean to us</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> grabbing a pen right now! give me her ig @ I'll bully her ass!</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> I appreciate that you're all so down for each other but, please, do not get in trouble, beating people up is illegal, and bullying people is just wrong</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> only if you get caught</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> I'm not afraid of the law!</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> is thre anythn ur afriad of</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> my dad</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> smtms all i wana do is give u a hug</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> ew</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> hey whers lix</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> he fell asleep on call with me</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> thats cute but sceeam or smthn n wake him up he nevr talks n i want him to tell us abt shitty ppl in his lfike</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> I can tell you his sister kept him up all night with some serious drama and that he's sleeping off all the stress he just spent the past three hours crying and venting out to me, so there's that</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> oh shtt</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> oh my pixie :(</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> YOUR pixie?</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> I came up with pixie so yes he is MY pixie!</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> I'll fight you right here right now</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> ull have ot get thru me frist!</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> I'll throw a dictionary at you</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> so minho's dad, chan's ex, felix's sister, jisung's family....</p><p><strong>jisung:</strong> I didn't say anything about my family??</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> that was my input, baby, I'd put them all through a paper shredder if I had the chance</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> that imagery is so vivid</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> why are you all so violent</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> they shipped jisung to a different country! just so they didn't have to help him!</p><p><strong>jisung:</strong> he's right my family kind of sucks</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> minho's dad, chan's ex, felix's sister, jisung's family x2</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> whoever stabbed hyunjin is at the top of my list</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> your list?</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> people I would use as a punching bag</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> how long is the list</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> everyone we mention today is on my list<br/><strong>jeongin:</strong> so minho's dad, chan's ex, felix's sister, jisung's family, the guy who stabbed hyunjin</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> zoom!1</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> ...and zoom</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> my babysitter was pretty shitty! add her please</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> I got you<br/><strong>jeongin:</strong> bambam? anyone you would like on the list?</p><p><strong>bambam:</strong> chan</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> HUH???</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> he just wants me to get punched</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> context??</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> I used to get into a lot of trouble and I told him I would never get punched and he wants to see it happen</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> so chan's not actually the worst person you know, bambam, you just want him to get punched?</p><p><strong>bambam:</strong> precisely</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> I love friendship</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> minho's dad, chan's ex, felix's sister, jisung's family, the guy who stabbed hyunjin, zoom, seungmin's babysitter, and chan<br/><strong>jeongin:</strong> I'm getting my fist ready</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> please don't say it like that</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> why</p><p><strong>bambam:</strong> Do Not</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> do you know what fisting is</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> how to delete a groupchat!</p><p><strong>jisung:</strong> minho, he's young!!</p><p><strong>felix:</strong> why did I wake up to fisting</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> I hate this group</p><p><strong>felix:</strong> wait, minnie, what did you say about my sister... :(</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> nothing in detail, baby, I'm sorry</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> do you want me to punch her, pixie? I'm going to punch a lot of people for everyone else!</p><p><strong>felix:</strong> no no, it's okay, minnie!<br/><strong>felix:</strong> no need to punch her, innie, she's just...<br/><strong>felix:</strong> I don't really want to talk about it?<br/><strong>felix:</strong> I'm used to her! it's all good!</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> are you sure, lix?</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> go back to sleep, pixie, you didn't get any last night :(</p><p><strong>felix:</strong> I'm okay, channie, I promise!<br/><strong>felix:</strong> I slept for an hour, minnie :(</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> hey...MY pixie</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> fight me</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> you're on my list now, bitch!</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> BITCH???</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> I will bodyslam you</p><p><strong>felix:</strong> baby, don't be violent :(</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> BBABYY??????</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> oh....that's why he's possessive<br/><strong>jeongin:</strong> I still came up with pixie</p><p><strong>felix:</strong> pixie is cute!</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> yes he is</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> were jus glosin ovr 'baby'huh???</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> we know everyone here is gay we're just waiting for everyone to expose themselves</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> do u hav smthn to tell?us</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> if I did I wouldn't be spending my days laying on the floor with my cat, asshole</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> pettion to get minho nd bambam tgthr</p><p><strong>bambam:</strong> why????</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> why not me and bambam</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> youve been friends for yaers it wouldve happnd alr</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> for the record, lix and I aren't together</p><p><strong>felix:</strong> we both just like being called baby!</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> tht took you a hot minite to address, idk if i beleve you</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> jeongin, put hyunjin on your list</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> hyunjin, I'm gonna punch you in the mouth<br/><strong>jeongin:</strong> softly<br/><strong>jeongin:</strong> with my mouth</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> I hate it here<br/><strong>seungmin:</strong> baby, run away, get some sleep, save yourself before it's too late</p><p><strong>felix:</strong> I already saw minho talking about fisting people, I don't think it could get worse</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> it definitely could</p><p><strong>felix:</strong> okay, bye! goodnight! I love you all!</p><p><strong>bambam:</strong> I'm leaving too, not reading about fisting anymore! everyone take care!</p><p><strong>chan:</strong> bye, darling &lt;3</p><p><strong>bambam:</strong> you're stupid</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> DARLNG??<br/><strong>hyunjin:</strong> stop messin w me i'm dumb nd idk whos rly datin</p><p><strong>changbin:</strong> literally just jisung and I, and you and jeongin</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> sus</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> just wrap us up, idiot</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> thnk you all for joining therpy today jeongin nd i will now be goin to pnch evryne on th list w face maska nd plenty of hand santizer for our hands after we suckrpnch thosr germs &lt;3</p><p><strong>jeongin:</strong> take care of pixie, seungmin!</p><p><strong>seungmin:</strong> I will, bitch &lt;3</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> ah, friendship</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Let's Read Poems!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>tw</b> talk about depression, suicide/death, existentialism<br/><b>cw</b> some really bad poetry</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"<em>Why</em> are our two <em>literal writers</em> missing the day I decide I want everyone to read poetry?"</p><p>Jisung and Changbin had yet to join the Zoom call, and neither one of them was replying to the group chat or individual texts that the rest-- mostly Hyunjin, and Jeongin, by request (demand)-- had been spamming them with. Hyunjin pouted at his phone and then at his camera, "I really wanted to hear Bin's poetry."</p><p>"We can always just get started and hope they join later on." Chan suggested, and Hyunjin was hesitant, but he caved when Felix said, "Seungmin's sharing a <em>really good</em> poem," and Seungmin flicked his camera in retaliation, telling Felix not to elevate everyone else's expectations, dammit, he was nervous enough to be reading to everyone in the first place.</p><p>"Seungmin should start!" Jeongin said. He was just as excited as Hyunjin, if not more so. Seungmin groaned, but he opened up his notebook and said, "I'm not a poet, okay? Felix only likes my poem because of the 'feels,' or whatever."</p><p>"It's pretty!" Felix defended. Seungmin rolled his eyes, but he started to read his poem, voice a little shaky with nerves, body tense for the same reason.</p><p><em>It's at the most unexpected times that someone comes around to save your life.</em><br/><em>It's almost too late, but it's just in time;</em><br/><em>It's when you're better, but still not quite;</em><br/><em>It's before you know you need help at all,</em><br/><em>And you question why someone's comfort feels so right.</em><br/><em>It's when things are so dark that you wind up blind;</em><br/><em>It's when things are so cloudy that your lungs close up;</em><br/><em>It's when you have a support system but refuse to use it</em><br/><em>-- then someone comes around and tells you its worth,</em><br/><em>until you can see, and breathe, and really seek help</em><br/><em>and get to know yourself for all that </em>you<em> are worth.</em><br/><em>Someone makes things feel better, to the point where </em>everything<em> feels okay.</em><br/><em>Someone makes the darkness, the heat, the pain, and the suffering go away.</em><br/><em>Someone doesn't always fix your problems, but someone always reminds you</em><br/><em>that life is worth living, and someone needs you</em>.</p><p>"That was totally about us." Minho said, rolling his shoulders with playful arrogance. Seungmin just nodded, unable to joke back. His lips were pulled back into his mouth, teeth likely biting on them to calm his nerves. Felix clapped loudly, and Jeongin was practically bouncing up and down at this point. "Seungmin! That was beautiful--Pixie was right, that was so emotional and pretty! Are we your someones?"</p><p>"Yes." Seungmin muttered, shy, but happy. "I'm your someone, too."</p><p>Jeongin clapped, too, happy, "That's so lovely, Minnie! Thank you for sharing that with us. Hyunjin, this was such a good idea--I'm so excited. I really, really loved that poem."</p><p>"Thank you, Innie. Pixie. Everyone." Seungmin said, smiling gently. Just then, Jisung and Changbin popped into the call; both had clearly been asleep moments ago. Jisung was still half-asleep, his head lolling back against Changbin's shoulder, his eyes barely open. Changbin blinked heavily, and waved at the camera, "Sorry we're late."</p><p>"Mid-day nap?" Seungmin asked, almost too fast--clearly happy to have the attention diverted from him. Everyone let their attention flood to Jisung and Changbin instead; Minho teased them, and Hyunjin whined at them for being late, and missing Seungmin's poem. Jeongin asked, "Do you have poems to share?" and Changbin shrugged, "I'm sure I have something on my phone."</p><p>Changbin had to shake Jisung awake and repeat Jeongin's question just for Jisung to mumble that his notebook was on his desk, or under it, or in a drawer, or something like that, and he would grab it when it was his turn. He repositioned himself against Changbin so he could lean into his chest and doze off again. BamBam asked, "Are you two alright?"</p><p>"Long night, but we're okay. He'll be up in another fifteen minutes or so--he and I can go last."</p><p>"I'll go next." Chan offered, and everyone quieted down to let him read his poem.</p><p><em>Do you know what time it is?</em><br/><em>It doesn't really matter, I'm tired anyways.</em><br/><em>What's wrong with you?</em><br/><em>I don't know, but I'm tired anyways.</em><br/><em>Where are you right now?</em><br/><em>I'm at home, and I'm tired anyways.</em><br/><em>Will you talk to me? Please?</em><br/><em>I don't have anything to say; I'm tired anyways.</em><br/><em>Why are you doing this?</em><br/><em>I want to, and I'm tired anyways.</em><br/><em>Will you stay with me? Please?</em><br/><em>No, but it'll be okay. I'm tired anyways.</em><br/><em>Are you really ready to go?</em><br/><em>Now more than ever... I'm tired anyways.</em><br/><em>Open up? Let me help you?</em><br/><em>Sure, why not? I'm tired anyways</em>.</p><p>Everyone was silent for a moment. Jeongin clapped softly, his voice much quieter and much more put-together than it was in the midst of his blatant excitement over Seungmin's sweet poem, "That was really beautiful, Chan."</p><p>"Thank you." Chan said. Changbin mentioned, "That sounded <em>really</em> personal--what was that about?"</p><p>"One time, when I was really on the verge of committing suicide, I called BamBam." Chan admitted. "It wasn't an actual attempt. I didn't do anything to myself, I just kind of thought <em>maybe</em> I would if I was alone for much longer. I had been crying all night, locked in my bathroom -- I'd just recently dumped my girlfriend, and I felt kind of empty, kind of lost, considering how much of my time and energy she had consumed. I regretted calling BamBam, though -- still do. I should have left him out of that. I was <em>fine</em>. I was better; I wasn't going to do it, not again...."</p><p>"Chan, hey, I'm really happy that you called me, you know." BamBam said. "You'd developed that fighting spirit. You were scared that you maybe <em>would have</em> done something to hurt yourself, and you called me for help. Don't regret that, okay?"</p><p>Chan nodded. Jeongin asked, "Was that like... your conversation?"</p><p>"Poetically, yes. BamBam kept asking me questions to give me something to focus on until he made it to me, and I wouldn't stop telling him that I was tired. I scared the shit out of him; he thought I had taken a punch of pills or... was bleeding out, or something."</p><p>"I'm still glad you called me." BamBam said, and Chan smiled. For once, he looked ashamed of one of the stories he told. He had never looked that way before. Hyunjin opened his arms, and said, "Group hug for Chan!" and, just like last time, everyone leaned forward to black out their screens with their shoulders and virtually hug everyone. Changbin couldn't, given Jisung's tired position on his lap, but he blew kisses at the screen until everyone was looking again.</p><p>"Who's next?" Hyunjin asked, and Felix volunteered. He said, "It's nothing special, I just kind of wrote down something that's been on my mind."</p><p>"That's poetry." Seungmin encouraged, and Felix smiled, and started to read. </p><p><em>How many things in life can the 'placebo effect' apply to? I'm starting to think my life </em>is<em> a placebo effect: something bad happens, and suddenly I think I'm sadder than I really am; or something good happens, and suddenly I think I'm happier than I really am. Emotions are supposed to bounce back and forth, never be the same, and I know this, but is that the reality for people who can't control their emotions, who can't seem to get happy at all? Am I a fool for thinking of myself as depressed when little things still make me happy, and it's difficult to make me so sad that I can't leave my bed? Am I a fool for thinking I deserve to feel more pain if I really want my sadness to be valid? Maybe I am a fool -- but I'll continue to indulge in the small things that make me happy, and I'll do my best to stay away from those glue-me-to-the-bed situations. I'll be a happy fool if I'm a fool at all. I'll fool </em>myself<em> this time</em>.</p><p>"<em>Hell yes</em>, Felix." Changbin said. "You put it in words, bro, you put it in words."</p><p>"You feel like that, too?" Felix asked, and Changbin nodded. "I'm over here feeling like an <em>idiot</em> for even being part of this group, sometimes, because I get happy easily and, if anything, I'm just <em>numb</em> to bad situations, but that -- yes. That was amazing."</p><p>"You both have very valid reasons to be here, I hope you know that." Chan said. "We all do."</p><p>"And I think we all get happy pretty easily. I mean, we make each other happy, and we're all <em>really</em> stupid." Seungmin said, which made everyone laugh.</p><p>"Felix, babe, it's good that you get happy easily. That doesn't mean you don't have problems, or should feel stupid for getting sad, or anything like that." Minho said. "That just means you've got a lovely spirit, and I hope you hold onto that."</p><p>"Damn, Minho, that was impressive." Chan said. Minho shrugged, "I've been practicing. Poetry and such."</p><p>"Did you write something like that?" Jeongin asked, interested, to which Minho nodded. Jeongin clapped excitedly, "Read it to us! Read it to us!"</p><p>"Don't be sappy afterwards, okay?" Minho asked, glaring at all of them through his camera. He opened up a piece of paper, and everyone went silent again so he could read it. "Also, note, I'm sorry that this is so long."</p><p><em>What do I say to someone who's so afraid to be alone, so afraid of being forgotten?</em><br/><em>I say: No one will forget you. You're unique and special; you're unforgettable and irreplaceable. No one in their right mind could hate you or cast you out of their lives, and the only people you need are the ones who will keep you. </em>We<em> will keep you.</em><br/><em>What do I say to someone who tries to be everyone's rock, but who has been through hell, and still carries that weight?</em><br/><em>I say: I'm really proud of you, and I appreciate you more than you'll ever know. I want to thank you every day, and I might if it wouldn't be annoying, or feel out-of-place in silly moments. I'll tell you now: thank you, and I'll be damned if you ever go through hell again.</em><br/><em>What do I say to someone who doesn't open up often, but always encourages everyone else to do so?</em><br/><em>I say: I want to know more about you, because I just know you're as beautiful as the rest of us. I like hearing you speak about anything. Your aura is calm, and you're the stability we need to keep us going. But we're here for you, too.</em><br/><em>What do I say to someone who needs help in ways I'll never, ever understand?</em><br/><em>I say: You're strong. You're incredible, and I'm so glad you have an anchor that the rest of us couldn't be for you. It warms my heart to see you in love, because you, of all people, deserve a love like that. I admire you, and you're going to be okay.</em><br/><em>What do I say to someone who seems to be doing okay, when I have doubts that they're really alright?</em><br/><em>I say: I really hope you're doing as fine as you say, and we're here for you if you're not. I trust you, and I promise I do, but I know how scary it is to face your emotions. You don't have to be scared. Not here. Never here.</em><br/><em>What do I say to someone who covers everything up by teasing people, by playing around and refusing to face it head-on?</em><br/><em>I say: I'm exactly the same, and I think we would benefit from each other if we'd talk one-on-one, but I'm a little awkward, and I don't want to approach you like that. Maybe I will one day. I know I need someone to talk to, and maybe you do, too. We'll joke together until we feel okay.</em><br/><em>What do I say to someone who felt so alone, and seems to thrive now that he has an outlet?</em><br/><em>I say: I admire you. You opened up at your own pace, and you trusted us, and I'm proud of you for that. I know you're going to be okay, especially with your new puppy of a boyfriend, who couldn't be more perfect for you, just like you couldn't be more perfect for him.</em><br/><em>Finally, what do I say to someone I just see as a cute, flawless boy, but who clearly has something going on?</em><br/><em>I say: We're here for you. I'm glad you found your outlet in one of us, and I hope you're doing okay. I know you'll be okay. Your spirit is bright, and I know you'll hold onto it. You'll be just fine</em>.</p><p>"Sorry, that was <em>really</em> long." Minho said again, setting his paper aside. No one said anything. Minho looked at them -- at the way they were all looking at their cameras in shock, and he groaned, embarrassed, "What is it? Too much?"</p><p>"No, Minho, that was really beautiful." Chan said.</p><p>"You wrote a little letter to each of us?" Jeongin asked, a little pout on his smiley face. Minho just nodded, and Jeongin's pout turned into a huge smile, "That's so sweet! Thank you, Min, thank you!"</p><p>"He wrote a letter to me first." Hyunjin said, slapping his hands over his heart, "He doesn't hate me after all!"</p><p>Minho rolled his eyes, but he couldn't stop smiling (and Hyunjin couldn't, either).</p><p>"You should FaceTime Felix and I." Seungmin suggested. "We <em>completely</em> spill our guts around midnight. We've cried together a lot, too. It's a nice little emotional detox."</p><p>"Yeah, join us, hyung!" Felix encouraged. Minho nodded, "That sounds really nice, thank you."</p><p>"I promise I'm not hiding as much as you might think." BamBam said, not just addressing Minho, but most of them, as almost all of them had expressed concern over not knowing BamBam very well. "I have my struggles, all a result of my dad's death, but it's really not much, I promise. Definitely not much compared to the hell you all experience."</p><p>"Please don't invalidate your struggles by comparison." Felix said. "This is a space for everyone! You can talk about stubbing your toe, if you want. Hyunjin talked to Seungmin and I about a bruise he got for ten minutes one time!"</p><p>"It <em>hurt</em>." Hyunjin complained. BamBam laughed, "Okay, okay. Thank you. I'll try to talk more, I promise."</p><p>"Why don't you go next?" Jeongin encouraged. BamBam nodded, a little awkward, a little hesitant, but everyone quieted down for him to read his short poem.</p><p>
  <em>How did I end up here?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>From a childhood with happy parents, to a gaping hole in my reality.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>How did things turn out like this?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>From being lost to being found, yet still feeling so alone.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>How does life work in strange ways?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>From up to down, to up again.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>How will it all end?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>What if I fall, and death consumes me before I can get back up again?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Were all those happy memories worth it, if things don't end on a happy note?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Is all the pain worth it if my story has a bad ending?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>How can I make sure that my ending is a good one?</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I'm hardly holding the pen to my own book;</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I hardly write my own story.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>So many people have my diary's passcode, even if they don't know it.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>So how can I really be sure that this is all worth it?</em>
</p><p>"I didn't know you thought about life like that." Chan said, his voice quiet. BamBam shrugged, "Honestly, I usually don't. This was just a shower thought that followed me to bed. Don't worry, I shower at night, this thought wasn't in my head all day or anything, but... one of my worst fears, stupid as it may be, is that things will get really bad, and I'll die when they're really bad. All of this pain I've felt, and witnessed in everyone else, won't feel very worth it if I don't die happy -- when things are okay... if that makes sense."</p><p>"It does make sense." Minho said, and he had his mouth open for another second, like he was going to say something else, but the words died on his tongue. No one else seemed to know what to add, or how to respond; BamBam laughed a bit to ease the tension, "My thoughts are a little too heavy and ambiguous to deal with -- but, I don't have them very often, and I know things will be alright at the end of the day. I just have these little anxious spikes of doubt, but I deal with them well. I've learned how to."</p><p>"I admire you. I wish I had your optimism." Minho said, to which BamBam smiled, "Thanks. I have plenty to share."</p><p>"I really liked that poem, BamBam, thank you for sharing. I'm a big believer in fate, and you're so good that fate won't be mean to you. It's not allowed. You-- oh shoot! We're running out of time." Hyunjin whined. "Can we do this next time, too?"</p><p>"It's up to you, Jinnie." Chan said, to which Hyunjin beamed, "More poetry! Changbin, Jisung, Jeongin, and I will read our poems next time! Okay?"</p><p>"I'll make sure Jisung knows." Changbin said, patting Jisung's shoulder softly. Jisung barely stirred, peeked at the camera through blurry eyes and mumbled something, waved. Changbin laughed a little bit, "Nap time isn't over. See you guys next week."</p><p>Like that, the writers were gone, and Hyunjin pouted, "I really wanted to hear their poetry today. But! Everyone brought <em>really good</em> stuff, and I'm really happy. Thank you all for reading your poems!"</p><p>"They were all <em>so</em> good!" Jeongin said; then, he huffed, "Makes me nervous for next time. Mine isn't as good as those ones, and I'll be reading with <em>Jisung and Changbin</em>-- I'm set up for failure."</p><p>"Your poem is going to be beautiful, Innie, with that beautiful mind of yours--"</p><p>"And the lovebirds are at it again! See you next week!" Minho said, signing off quickly. BamBam rolled his eyes, "He's allergic to love, I swear."</p><p>"He's just scared of it." Chan said. "Any last words, Hyunjin?"</p><p>"You sound like you're threatening to kill him." Seungmin noted, and Chan groaned, "Any <em>closing</em> words--you know what I meant."</p><p>"Be prepared for more poetry next week! Everyone take care; I love you!" Hyunjin said. Surprisingly enough, he ended the meeting before anyone else could actually log themselves out. When BamBam texted the group chat asking if Hyunjin was okay, why did he end the meeting so abruptly?, Hyunjin said Zoom indicated the meeting would cut off in <em>five seconds</em> and he wanted to beat it.</p><p><strong>minho:</strong> you're an idiot</p><p><strong>hyunjin:</strong> zomo will. NOtT win agian!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Let's Read More Poems!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>tw</b> slight self-harm/anxiety, mentions of suicide, addiction, and more existentialism</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Innie should start!"</p><p>"You always do this to me." Jeongin groaned, yet he flipped open his notebook. He hesitated, though, and looked at the others -- at Hyunjin, at Changbin and Jisung, "Does anyone else want to start? I can go, but--"</p><p>"Go, baby." Hyunjin encouraged, and Changbin and Jisung also urged him to start, agreeing that they wanted a moment to pick out a poem to read anyway. Jeongin only chewed on his lip for a moment before he began to read, his voice tight with nerves, his hands glued to his forearms in a solid, anxious grip.</p><p><em>My voice has never felt like a voice.</em><br/><em>It's always felt more like an echo of ideas,</em><br/><em>something someone heard once and rarely thinks about again.</em><br/><em>Why does it matter so much, anyway?</em><br/><em>I know this world is overflowing with people who talk and don't listen.</em><br/><em>Do I really want my voice to be heard if no one truly cares?</em><br/><em>It still hurts, but I feel stupid.</em><br/><em>I'm stupidly hurt, and I'm stupidly obsessed.</em><br/><em>But I still want to be heard.</em><br/><em>I want my words to be remembered;</em><br/><em>I want my words to be important;</em><br/>I<em> want to be important....</em></p><p>Jeongin's bottom lip tucked itself into his teeth, and his fingers fidgeted against his skin. Hyunjin clapped softly, and everyone followed, praising Jeongin for the poem. Hyunjin was the first to speak, reaching his hand out to the camera and saying, "Baby, hand," and Jeongin laughed, let go of his arms and reached for Hyunjin, too; "Sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that."</p><p>"It's okay, baby." Hyunjin said. He kept his hand near his camera, like he was actually holding onto Jeongin, and Jeongin kept his hands hovering near his screen, too, to avoid unconsciously hurting himself again.</p><p>"That was a lovely poem, Innie." Felix said. Chan agreed, "It was pretty."</p><p>"And we're here to listen to you." BamBam said.</p><p>"I remember lots of things you've told us!" Hyunjin said, "You were in a writing club last year, so you were late for meetings sometimes, and you always hated half the pizza toppings but never told anyone, and you decorate your journals when your anxiety gets so bad you can't think well enough to actually write, and you like giving people nicknames in secret -- I even remember what you call all of us! We listen, Innie, because we love you, and you're important to all of us!"</p><p>Jeongin had tears streaming down his cheeks at this point, and all he could do was sob-laugh in response to Hyunjin's little spiel. BamBam asked, "Why did you never tell us you hated the pizza?" and Felix said, "Innie, if you want to call me the next time you get anxious, we could decorate journals together over FaceTime! I could write a story to tell you!" and Jeongin cried and laughed a little more.</p><p>"The pizza was okay." Jeongin said, wiping his tears. Hyunjin finally put his hand down as Jeongin focused his hands on drying his cheeks, nails no longer in danger of digging into his skin. "I'll call you when I'm anxious, Lixie."</p><p>"Call me, too, I want to hear Lixie's story." Hyunjin said. Seungmin agreed, "Me, too!"</p><p>"You four are cute." BamBam said, and Minho asked, "Hey, wait, what about those nicknames?"</p><p>"I'll send them to the group chat," Hyunjin said, winking at Minho, "But we'll run out of time soon if we don't read more poems, and I <em>will</em> hear Jisung and Changbin's poems today if it's the last thing I do."</p><p>"I feel like you all have <em>really</em> high expectations for us." Jisung said, "We're not <em>that</em> good--"</p><p>"Shut up." Felix said, and Changbin choked on a laugh, "<em>Damn</em>, okay."</p><p>"Which one of the lovebirds is going first?" Jeongin asked, face and eyes dry, attitude jumping back up to excitement. Jisung and Changbin looked at each other. Jisung poked at Changbin's chest, and Changbin shook his head, "After you, my love."</p><p>"<em>No</em>, you go first." Jisung whined. Changbin leaned a little closer to him and muttered something; Minho interrupted, "I'm going to come over and kick the shit out of you two if you kiss right now."</p><p>"Minho is homophobic." Jisung said, turning back to the camera. "You choose, homophobe, which one of us goes first?"</p><p>Minho stuck his tongue out. "Changbin."</p><p>"He loves me." Jisung told Changbin, shrugging his shoulders up in victory. Changbin grumbled, and kissed Jisung's cheek, and flipped open his notebook to read, laughing over Minho's disgusted noise before diving into his poem.</p><p><em>I don't think it's a coincidence that you're both your biggest critic, and the one who knows you best.</em><br/><em>If someone saw my life through my eyes, witnessed every experience I've had, every decision I've made, no one would love me.</em><br/><em>The version everyone gets of me is fabricated, dolled up and prettier than I really am, or ever have been.</em><br/><em>Is my perception of myself skewed? I don't think so. I think my perception of myself is the most true.</em><br/><em>And, God help me, my view is hideous.</em><br/><em>So how can anyone love me? How can I </em>let<em> anyone love me?</em><br/><em>I feel like a liar, like a manipulative bastard, because I let people love me.</em><br/><em>How can I let people love me?</em></p><p>"Well shit." Seungmin said, quiet and shocked. Jisung had his hand back in Changbin's hair, comforting him softly, though Changbin wasn't particularly emotional at sharing his poem -- which is why Jisung's comfort was so casual. In fact, Changbin was the least tense of everyone as they all thought over his words and applied his theory to themselves. It was a lot to take in, and Hyunjin mentioned, "I feel like I'm in a crisis now. Poor Jeongin is stuck with <em>me</em>."</p><p>"Hey, no, I love you." Jeongin said. Hyunjin slapped his hand over his forehead, "But would you still love me if you knew me like I know me?"</p><p>"Okay, shit, don't start overthinking, please." Changbin said, but it was too late. Hyunjin leaned back against his bed and groaned loudly, arms flailing for a moment, "I'm a manipulative bastard too."</p><p>"<em>Stop</em>." Jeongin said, beckoning Hyunjin, "Come back up here."</p><p>"We would all still love each other if we knew each other like we know ourselves." Chan said, trying to comfort all the contorted faces on his screen. He sighed, with the slightest of smiles on his face, "Changbin, look what you did."</p><p>"You guys asked for a poem." Changbin said, shrugging, "Maybe you should've asked Jisung to go first."</p><p>"Oh, bite me." Minho said. BamBam got everyone to focus again, telling them, "Chan's right. We would all love each other if we knew each other like we knew ourselves. We've <em>all</em> been through a lot and we still love each other, right? Mistakes don't matter much when love is involved."</p><p>"Depends on the mistake." Minho mentioned, and BamBam said, "I <em>highly</em> doubt any of us have made a harsh enough mistake to warrant hate."</p><p>"I don't know, Minho <em>has</em> threatened murder <em>multiple</em> times...." Chan said, clearly joking. Minho glared at him anyway, and told Jisung to hurry up and read his poem before he committed a crime.</p><p>"There he goes again." Chan said, and Minho groaned, "I <em>hate</em> you;" everyone laughed for a few moments.</p><p>"My poem isn't as existential as Changbin's." Jisung thought to say. He let Changbin whine at him for a moment, laughing, before he started to read.</p><p><em>In the morning, my flames are red.</em><br/><em>I've just woken up, and I barely feel a thing.</em><br/><em>Love floods my senses, and everything is okay.</em><br/><em>The morning is a hazy, red fog.</em><br/><em>And then my mind wakes up, and my flames turn orange.</em><br/><em>They burn. Everything burns.</em><br/><em>Smoke fills my lungs, but it's not the smoke I want.</em><br/><em>I'm hungry. No, not for breakfast, not for lunch, never for food.</em><br/><em>Give me something else to eat -- the thing that would take this awful burn away.</em><br/><em>My flames don't always turn white.</em><br/><em>It's on the worst days that they do--</em><br/><em>--when my mind is stubborn and won't let me return to love,</em><br/><em>or hope,</em><br/><em>or therapy,</em><br/><em>or </em>something<em>.</em><br/><em>When my flames are white, my world is white.</em><br/><em>Everything melts, and nothing makes sense.</em><br/><em>Nothing heals unless I get what I want.</em><br/><em>I can't have what I want.</em><br/><em>I cannot have what I want.</em><br/><em>And as long as I keep going,</em><br/><em>as long as I let myself burn up,</em><br/><em>I won't want it anymore,</em><br/><em>and my world will stop lighting up with flames</em>.</p><p>"Was that about...?" Minho couldn't say it. Jisung did, comfortable, "Drugs? Yes, yes it was."</p><p>"It really is an every day thing, huh?" Felix asked. Jisung frowned, but nodded, and Felix noticed his expression, and explained, "I mean-- I know you've told us that you struggle every day, but... I guess it just didn't really occur to me how <em>much</em> you struggle every day until now. Wow, Sungie, you're <em>really</em> strong."</p><p>"I wouldn't be so strong without all of you. Especially Bin." Jisung said. Minho gagged as Changbin and Jisung looked at each other, sweet and happy, but he quickly backtracked, with laughter on his tongue, "I'm glad you have Bin with you, babe. You too, Bin -- I'm glad you have Jisung."</p><p>"That's the nicest he's ever been to a couple." Chan said, and Minho poked his tongue out, "I'm trying to be supportive, shut up."</p><p>"Don't worry, it's working." Jisung said, snuggling back into Changbin happily. Minho gagged again, but he couldn't help his smile. He did end the moment, though, by telling Hyunjin to read his poem before Zoom cut them off. Hyunjin said, "We still have ten minutes. We can sit here and watch Jisung and Changbin be cute for at least five more minutes--" but Minho threatened to leave if Hyunjin didn't hurry up and read his poem.</p><p>So, Hyunjin held up his notebook, said, "This one is called: Why Hwang Hyunjin Is The Way That He Is," and he started to read.</p><p>
  <em>Once upon a time, there was some kid named Hyunjin.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>He used to get ignored all the time.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>People told him his parents neglected him, but Hyunjin didn't care.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>He didn't really like his parents anyway.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>His parents definitely didn't like him.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>They called him stupid, and told him not to be so excited all the time.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>The world is so bad, Hyunjin, why are you so happy? There's nothing to be happy about.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>So, Hyunjin started to be sad.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>But sad Hyunjin was an ungrateful Hyunjin, so he went back to being happy.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Hyunjin realized it didn't really matter what he did, or how he acted.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Someone was going to be upset with him about it.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>So, he chose to be as happy as possible, and to never be sad again.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>But sadness doesn't just go away. It exists whether it's expressed or not.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>So happy Hyunjin tried to kill himself, because the sadness tore him apart from the inside out.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Hyunjin should have learned that he could let himself be sad, but he didn't.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>So he repeated the cycle: Hyunjin stayed happy, and happy Hyunjin tried to kill himself again.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Happy Hyunjin failed both times, luckily, and now happy Hyunjin has really good friends.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>These friends let happy Hyunjin be sad whenever he wants to.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Sad Hyunjin still doesn't like to come out very often, but he's accepted when he does.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>He's even praised when he does!</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Sad Hyunjin might gain a little bit of confidence and show himself more now,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>because sad Hyunjin finally has a safe place to exist.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Sad Hyunjin doesn't have to try to kill happy Hyunjin out of jealousy anymore.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>They can exist at the same time, and be loved the same,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>all thanks to Hyunjin's friends!</em>
</p><p>"I really, really hate--" Minho started, slapping a sweater paw over his eyes. "I hate that <em>Hyunjin's</em> poem is the one that made me tear up."</p><p>"He really <em>does</em> care about me." Hyunjin teased. Minho lifted his other hand, presenting a middle finger to his camera. Hyunjin cooed, "I love you too, Min."</p><p>"That was really sweet, Hyunjin. Really sad, but really sweet." BamBam said. Chan agreed, "I'm happy you found your safe space here, with us. We'll make sure to protect it. We'll always be here for you."</p><p>"Thank you." Hyunjin beamed. "I really feel on top of the world with you guys, you know. This is all I've ever really wanted! Since I was a kid, I just wanted to be loved and accepted no matter what my mood was. And now I am! It feels really good. Thank you, Chan."</p><p>"Me?" Chan asked, and Hyunjin nodded, "You and BamBam! Because you two started all of this."</p><p>"Thank yourself, too, Hyunjin. You continued it." BamBam said. Hyunjin nodded, and pat himself on the back, "Thank you Chan, BamBam, and Hyunjin."</p><p>Everyone laughed for a moment -- Minho, too, now that he had wiped his tears dry. Hyunjin mentioned, "Thank all of you, though. All of you make me really comfortable. I never thought I would have friends that would take me seriously, or joke around with me, or... make me feel like this. I feel really good almost all of the time just because I know you guys have my back! It's really nice."</p><p>"We love you, nerd." Minho said.</p><p>"I love you, too." Hyunjin winked in Minho's direction, and Minho gagged: "Okay, I hate it here. Wrap us up before I puke."</p><p>"The poems were beautiful today -- even Changbin's. I won't forget about that one for a while." Hyunjin grumbled. Changbin shrugged, "<em>You</em> wanted a poem," and Hyunjin mocked him.</p><p>"Let's do this again sometime!" Jeongin suggested. "It doesn't have to be soon, but I <em>love</em> poetry! Please?"</p><p>"We can do this again." Hyunjin said, and everyone agreed, but Seungmin did complain about how his poetry was bad, and Felix threatened to kick him if he kept putting himself down like that.</p><p>"I'll end the call before our lovebirds-to-be hurt each other." Hyunjin said. Felix and Seungmin wildly protested Hyunjin's comment, but he spoke over them, "Bye! I love you all!" and waved, ending the call to cut off the complaints.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. What's the Dumbest Thing You've Done During Quarantine?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>tw</b> mentions of abuse, panic attacks, emotional manipulation</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You know, I logged on today with nothing to talk about, but I'm feeling really inspired by Chan's new hair. So, what's the dumbest thing you guys have done during quarantine?"</p><p>"Is it really <em>that</em> bad?" Chan whined, to which Seungmin <em>finally</em> let himself burst with laughter, having slapped his hand over his mouth immediately upon joining the call. BamBam said, "Yes, Chan, it really is," and Minho snorted, "You look like you went on a radioactive mission and your hair took the biggest hit."</p><p>"You look delicious, Chan, like broccoli!" Felix said, his voice so positive and sweet no one could tell if he was mocking Chan or not. Chan leaned forward, head hitting his desk. He stay like that for a moment, just whining, and BamBam let everyone else know, in the meantime, "It was supposed to be blue."</p><p>"That is <em>not</em> blue."</p><p>"Don't remind me." Chan mumbled, sitting upright again. Everyone laughed for a few moments more, until Hyunjin encouraged, "That's clearly the dumbest thing Chan has done. What about everyone else?"</p><p>"Agree to join these calls every week." Minho said. Seungmin hummed, "Oh, yeah, I felt that one."</p><p>"We make your lives interesting and you both know it." Changbin said, to which Minho and Seungmin both grumbled in protest, but no one entertained their playful dissatisfaction.</p><p>"I started binge-watching those 'Don't Do Drugs' PSAs just for fun -- out of boredom, really." Jisung said. "They're <em>so</em> stupid, they make me want to relapse out of spite."</p><p>"Which is exactly why I got the two of us hooked on late-night Netflix movies and mid-day cooking shows instead." Changbin said quickly. Jisung leaned against him, "You take such good care of me."</p><p>"I hate love." Minho said. Chan asked, "Why?" and Minho said, "For the same reason you hate your hair."</p><p>"What does that even <em>mean</em>?" Chan asked, but Minho refused to answer, just stuck his tongue out and told someone else to say something stupid.</p><p>"I started ring shopping." Jeongin said. He reached past his computer and pulled out a little box, started to pick up silver bands and show the rest of the group, "I really, <em>really</em> like rings, which is bad, because I spend <em>all</em> my money on them. I have an addiction!"</p><p>"They're really pretty, though. Try them on!" Hyunjin said. Jeongin did, slipping a couple of rings onto his fingers. Hyunjin said, "No, no, baby, your ring fingers," and Jeongin did what Hyunjin said. Hyunjin smiled, satisfied, when Jeongin held up his hands and showed off his rings. "I'll be putting a ring on that finger one day."</p><p>Hyunjin was pointing at Jeongin's ring finger on his left hand. Jeongin covered his face, embarrassed, "<em>Jinnie</em>," and Hyunjin blew kisses at the camera.</p><p>"Haven't you cheeseheads been dating for like a few months or something?" Minho groaned. Hyunjin told him time was irrelevant, and Minho begged someone else to start talking about <em>anything</em> else.</p><p>"I started talking to my sister again." Felix said. Seungmin's face went dark; they all knew how much he hated Felix's sister, but no one else knew why. Chan asked, trying to get Felix to talk about it, "What's wrong with your sister?" and it didn't seem like Felix would say anything for a moment, but he caved, "She's just really overwhelming, and she makes all of her problems my problems. Like... she blames me for everything. I haven't talked to her for years because of that, and she says her life is all messed up because I wasn't there for her. I'm younger than her, and I know that doesn't mean much, but I also don't really know what I was supposed to do for her. She never reached out to me! I know it's hard to reach out to someone who doesn't seem to want to talk to you, but...."</p><p>"<em>None</em> of her issues are your fault, baby." Seungmin assured. "I <em>promise</em>. Take it from me, okay? You've told me all the bullshit she tells you -- those are <em>her</em> problems, and she's not your responsibility."</p><p>"I know that, but it's hard--" Felix choked up a little bit, and frantically tried to hide his tears, "I'm fine. I'm okay, I'm okay."</p><p>"Hey, Lix, it's alright to cry. We're all here for you." Chan said. Seungmin encouraged that notion, "Let it out, baby, none of us will judge you. You're safe with us."</p><p>Felix broke, started sobbing in front of his camera, though he hid his face behind his jacket the whole time. The rest of them stay mostly silent, except for the occasional comforting phrase, and Hyunjin telling Felix he was giving him head pats as he mimicked doing so just above his camera. Felix muttered, "I like head pats," and Hyunjin said, "They're all for you, Pixie."</p><p>"<em>My</em> Pixie." Jeongin whined. He started mimicking head pats above his camera, too, and said, "I'm giving you head pats too, Lixie!"</p><p>"Head pats." Minho agreed, copying Hyunjin and Jeongin -- and, of course, they all followed along soon after, chorusing unique variations of "Head pats for Pixie!" until Felix was laughing, calling them all ridiculous, and had stopped crying, replacing his tension and tears with laughter.</p><p>"Thank you for the head pats." Felix said, happy, "You guys are the best."</p><p>"I started it! You're welcome." Hyunjin said. Minho mentioned, "I wish I could punch you right now," and Hyunjin rolled his eyes, "What's the stupidest thing you've done this quarantine, huh?"</p><p>"Agree to join--" Minho started, but Hyunjin stopped him, "What's the <em>actual</em> stupidest thing? You have to have done something stupid."</p><p>Minho bit his tongue, and said, "Okay. Yeah, I have. I... went back to my old house a few days ago."</p><p>Hyunjin's face fell, serious, worried, and he spoke over the gasp that came from Jeongin, or Chan (both of their screen had lit up green, but only one of them had made a vocal noise): "What? Minho, why would you do that?"</p><p>"Curiosity got the best of me, I guess." Minho shrugged. He avoided looking at his camera. His fingers were tapping on his knee, barely in-frame, anxious. Chan asked, gently, "What happened?"</p><p>"What do you think?" Minho laughed, and he started to retell the story like it wasn't a big deal, like it had just happened and that was it -- removed any emotional reaction because that was his defense against trauma: "My dad got pissed off -- started screaming at me for being ungrateful and leaving him behind. He threw me around, got his angry hits in. I knew it was going to happen, but I visited him anyway."</p><p>"Minho...." Seungmin was quiet.</p><p>"Minho, please don't do that again." Jisung said. Felix begged, "Don't get hurt. Talk to us if you have the urge to go over there, please -- you can FaceTime me! I'll help you get your mind off of it."</p><p>"I won't go again, I promise." Minho said, rubbing his neck.</p><p>"Did you get really hurt?" Chan asked, hesitant to do so. "Do you... I don't know, do you need one of us? I can come over, if you're not worried about social distancing, if you need someone."</p><p>"No, I only got a couple of bruises. They're fine. I'm fine." Minho said. "But, uh... I'll send you my address later. I wouldn't mind company."</p><p>"Chan and I can come this weekend." BamBam said, and then he paused, "If I'm invited?"</p><p>"You two are basically a package deal, I couldn't see Chan showing up here without you." Minho laughed. "You two can meet my cat. She really likes new people, oddly enough. She met my neighbor and she was thrilled."</p><p>"It's a date." Chan concluded.</p><p>"Please tell me someone's done something dumber than me." Minho said. Seungmin said, "I looked up my babysitter on FaceBook and that triggered a nice, long panic attack that I <em>still</em> have sort of a headache from. I think we're, like, somewhat close on the stupid scale."</p><p>"What's the story with your babysitter?" Changbin asked, voice soft and cautious, the way they always were when asking about something that seemed personal or otherwise difficult to talk about. Seungmin made this strangled, uncomfortable noise in the back of his throat, barely audible by the way his teeth and lips clenched together. He said, "She kind of just... did things she shouldn't have, quite often. She babysat me from six to ten and then I moved and my parents decided I didn't need a babysitter anymore, and I've never been happier."</p><p>No one pushed Seungmin to tell anything more. Changbin did say, though, "I'm glad you got away from her, Min. Don't look her up anymore, okay? You're safe now," and Seungmin smiled, warm, "Thank you."</p><p>"Seungmin and I need lessons in not being obsessed with people who hurt us." Minho said, and Seungmin nodded, "Agreed. Sounds like a call for therapy."</p><p>"That's why we're here." Minho reminded.</p><p>"<em>Real</em> therapy would probably serve all of us, but, until we're ready for that, we've got each other." Chan said. Minho looked at him and snorted again, "Ah yes. Therapy with a radioactive leader."</p><p>"Hey. I'm the leader now." Hyunjin said before Chan could protest Minho making fun of his hair. Seungmin snorted at Minho's comment, too, and Hyunjin asked, suddenly curious, "<em>Is</em> that the dumbest thing you've done over quarantine, Chan?"</p><p>"It definitely is." Chan said. "The dumbest thing BamBam's done is encourage me to do this."</p><p>"I would have to agree with that." BamBam said. Minho burst out laughing, "You actually <em>encouraged</em> Chan to do that?" and BamBam held up his hands, "In my defense, the shade of blue it was <em>supposed</em> to be was really pretty, and would've looked great on him. He just didn't do it right."</p><p>"I could help you out, you know. I've dyed Jisung's hair a million times." Changbin said, and Jisung agreed immediately: "Changbin is <em>really</em> good at dyeing and styling hair. He's the reason we take good Instagram pictures."</p><p>"I'll take you up on that for next time." Chan said. Then, he asked, "Hey, what about you, Changbin, what's the dumbest thing you've done since quarantine started?"</p><p>"I don't know that I've done anything particularly stupid." Changbin said, and Jisung snorted, "He decided to start baking, which he's <em>not</em> good at, at all. The last time he tried to make brownies, they had the same consistency as gum."</p><p>"I'm offended." Changbin muttered, while everyone else laughed, "He's not wrong, though, I'm pretty bad at baking, and cooking, so I guess trying to take it up as a hobby was pretty stupid."</p><p>"You'll get better. I started baking, too, and I was really bad, but now I'm pretty good! My family really likes my desserts." Felix said. Changbin groaned, "Teach me," and Jisung nodded, "<em>Please</em>, Lix, teach him. I can't eat another gummy cookie."</p><p>Changbin started to tickle Jisung in retaliation to his insults, and Jisung shrieked, his laughter making everyone else smile. Changbin and Jisung rolled off-camera, falling out of Changbin's desk chair and hitting the floor with a thud. The rest of them waited to hear any indication of pain, but the couple continued to laugh through the fall, so no one worried too much about whether or not they were hurt.</p><p>"I've done a lot of dumb things during quarantine." Hyunjin started.</p><p>"Of course you have." Minho said. Hyunjin only glared at him for a second before continuing, "But I think the dumbest thing I've done was decide Zoom was a good place for us to have these meetings. I <em>hate</em> Zoom <em>so much</em>."</p><p>"Zoom hates you too." Minho said. Hyunjin huffed, "Good."</p><p>Changbin and Jisung climbed back up to the screen, settling in Changbin's chair -- this time, with Jisung sitting first, and Changbin getting comfortable on his lap. Minho pointed out, "That's new," and Changbin shrugged, "We like to switch it up."</p><p>"Sexy."</p><p>"<em>Okay</em>." Chan said. "Hyunjin, wrap us up, I can't stand Minho."</p><p>"I hate you, too." Minho said.</p><p>"Not me, for once." Hyunjin said, shocked, and then he started his goodbye: "I love all of you. Please don't do any more stupid things, okay? If you're going to be stupid, be stupid like Changbin, because a bad cookie is a lot better than stress, pain, and green hair."</p><p>"<em>Bye</em>." Chan said, and he logged out of the call. BamBam laughed, "I'll go with him. I love you guys -- be safe!" and he left, too.</p><p>"We should all dye our hair, I think." Felix said, and Seungmin stopped him, "No, no, no, don't give these idiots any ideas. I will <em>not</em> be talked into dyeing my hair again."</p><p>"Again?"</p><p>"<em>No</em>." Seungmin said, and then he was gone, too. Felix huffed, "I want a new hair color. Binnie, will you color my hair, please?"</p><p>"Bring me hair dye and gloves, I got you." Changbin said. Felix clapped, "My hero! I'm going to go order some dye," and then he was gone.</p><p>"He does get happy easily." Hyunjin said fondly. "I'm going to end the call now -- Zoom has, like, one minute left. Don't be stupid, okay? Be more like Changbin today. I love you! Bye!"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ch8 is the only chapter of this fic that i haven't actually finished writing yet so if the next update takes like 30 years, that's why :^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Time for Room Tours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>tw</b> mentions of depression</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I need a reason to get out of bed today. Let's do room tours!"</p><p>"The <em>one</em> day I'm using my desktop for Zoom, you decide to do room tours." Chan complained, but with a smile on his face the whole time. Hyunjin whined right back, "Switch to your phone!"</p><p>While Chan logged off to switch to his phone, BamBam asked, "Do any of you actually have clean rooms right now?"</p><p>Seungmin was the only one who answered <em>yes</em>. Jeongin said <em>yes</em> with a little more hesitation, and mentioned that the only really messy part of his room was his desk and the corner of his room, where his laundry basket was. He hadn't done laundry in weeks, and the clothes were really starting to pile up.</p><p>"We should make a bet." Hyunjin said, just as Chan was logging back on, "The person with the messiest room should have to send us all gift cards for bubble tea!"</p><p>"Oh no." Chan muttered, looking over his shoulder for a moment. Changbin whined, "Jisung's room is <em>so</em> messy--" and Hyunjin snorted, "I probably played myself, honestly. My room is so messy it <em>looks</em> like I have depression."</p><p>"You <em>do</em> have depression." Minho pointed out.</p><p>"Yeah, but at least some people can hide it." Hyunjin scrunched up his nose unhappily. Then, he switched up his attitude, smiling at the camera: "Who wants to go first?"</p><p>"Me! I want to show you guys this little art piece I'm working on!" Felix said, and they all encouraged him to go ahead and show them his room. Felix swapped his camera around and started scanning his room, showing them how his bed was positioned just under his window, which was creepy at first but <em>really</em> relaxing at night, when the moonlight fell over him through his sheer purple curtains. It also woke him up in the morning, when the light and heat from the sun beamed down on him, and he really needed that, especially in quarantine.</p><p>He moved on to show them the small table he had tucked between his bed and the wall, and how his bedroom door was just across from his bed. His closet was along the same wall, which he briefly showed them: it wasn't too big, just full of (mostly) greys, yellows, and oranges. Felix mentioned that his room looked a little cramped, at first, but, with his desk pressed against the wall next to his bed and his window, it left him plenty of room to dance, and he preferred living on one side of his room and working out on the other.</p><p>"And here's my art!" Felix said excitedly, travelling to the far corner of his room, where he had a little canvas standing next to his desk. He pointed out the details and explained his art process: "I got really inspired by this song I was listening to the other day. I found it by chance when I was watching anime edits, so I don't know the name of it, but it sounded really serene! I couldn't stop thinking about how it sounded like cotton candy on a summer day, so that's why I painted this! It's watercolor, which I haven't worked with before, so that's why it's a little messy -- but it looks pretty, right? I'm proud of it."</p><p>"It's beautiful, Pixie. It looks like a really pretty background, like a sunset! Are you going to paint anything on top of it?" Jeongin asked, to which Felix hummed, "I don't know. I was thinking about putting some stickers on it and hanging it on my closet door. I love stickers! I have some black ones that would probably look pretty on this background, without being really overwhelming. What do you think?"</p><p>"That's a great idea, Pixie." Seungmin said. Jeongin butted in with, "<em>My</em> Pixie," and Seungmin started to say something back, but Felix's voice sounded out loudly: "Wait! What if I paint Pixie on it!"</p><p>"<em>That's such a cute idea!</em>" Jeongin screeched, and Hyunjin dropped his phone in shock. Felix laughed, both at Jeongin's excitement and Hyunjin's fear. Felix went back to his bed, turned his camera around, and said: "All done!"</p><p>"Who's next?" Hyunjin asked, oddly excited. Minho suggested, "You. Show us your depression room."</p><p>"Okay." Hyunjin said, peeking behind him again. He flipped his camera around, and he squished himself in the corner of the room so they could all see his living space. His room was a little smaller than Felix's, and he hadn't been exaggerating when he said it was a mess. The floor was no longer visible, swarmed by clothes and empty sandwich bags. Hyunjin only showed them his room for a few seconds before swapping the camera back, but Seungmin, always the observer, asked, "Why is your bed, like, <em>right</em> against your door?"</p><p>"My door swings out into the hall." Hyunjin said, as if that answered Seungmin's question.</p><p>"So you make people climb over your bed to get into your room." Minho said, and Hyunjin nodded, "It's a tactic. If someone broke into my house, they couldn't get into my room without waking me up!"</p><p>"They could literally stab you in the neck before you knew they were there, Hyunjin."</p><p>"Quick and easy. No fear." Hyunjin said. Seungmin dropped his head into his hand, sighing, and Jeongin mentioned, "He has no survival instincts."</p><p>"Depression." Hyunjin said, tapping on his temple. Jeongin and Seungmin both shook their heads, but Hyunjin didn't let them comment, "Let's keep going! We only have twenty-five minutes left."</p><p>"I'll go." Chan offered, switching his camera around for everyone to see his room. His scan was quite quick as well, and his room wasn't <em>that</em> messy, the way he made it sound. He had his bed tucked into the corner, with a small cabit at the foot of it, which he mentioned was full of clothes. He had space beneath his bed, too, where he kept other important things. He had blankets on the floor, a slightly cluttered area beneath his desk -- which was pushed into the corner opposite his bed-- and what looked like a pillow fort set up near his door. Felix took immediate interest in it, asking, "What's that?" and Chan chuckled, "BamBam, why don't you go next?"</p><p>The confusion that washed over the call only lasted for a few seconds; BamBam scanned his room briefly, showing how he was relatively put-together but definitely <em>lived</em> in his room, what with his bed being messy, and his curtains drawn back, letting in some natural light from the middle of his bedroom, just opposite the door, and adjacent to his bed. In the corner of his room was a pillow fort much like Chan's -- not nearly as neat, and kind of falling apart at one corner. He fixed it on camera as he explained, "I move around too much for one of these. But, when Chan or I are having a really bad day, we FaceTime, and we talk to each other in our pillow forts. We used to do this as kids. It's our escape."</p><p>"That's the cutest thing I've ever heard." Seungmin said, completely serious, slightly drowned out by Jeongin gasping: "That's so sweet!"</p><p>"Innie, let's make a pillow fort." Hyunjin said.</p><p>"I have the perfect place to put it!" Jeongin said, flipping his camera and running over to the spot he had in mind. It was a small space just under his window, which was boxed between his bed and his desk. He explained how he could tuck one corner of the blanket into his headboard and the other over the edge of his desk, and it would face his door directly, so he could let some light in through the hallway, since the light in his room didn't work and he could only use his desk lamp for light.</p><p>"We should all have a pillow fort party!" Felix suggested, and then he faltered a bit, "Unless we'd be stealing your tradition too much."</p><p>"No, Lix, that sounds like a <em>lot</em> of fun." Chan said. Minho groaned, albeit maintaining a smile so they knew he was only teasing: "You're really going to make me build a pillow fort?"</p><p>"You could gather all your cats and take cute pictures for Instagram in there." Seungmin said, and Minho perked up, interest piqued, "I'm sold."</p><p>"Where would you put yours?" Hyunjin asked, urging him to go next. Minho looked around for a second before swapping his camera. Immediately, his cats came into view; two of them were napping together on Minho's bed, and Felix pointed them out, happily fawning over them. Minho chuckled, "That's Soonie and Dori. Doongie has been running around in the living room. He's really hyper."</p><p>"Would he even sit in the fort with you?" Changbin asked as Minho scanned his room, looking for a place to put it. He didn't have a whole lot of space; his room was cramped with a cat tree and a bucket full of both toys and treats. There was a cat bed in the corner, too; Changbin noticed all the things Minho had for his cats and laughed, "Is that <em>your</em> room or your cat's room?"</p><p>"We're roommates, shut up." Minho said. "Also, Doongie probably wouldn't stay in the fort. I'd probably have to make it in the living room, and he'd knock it down... I'll do it anyway."</p><p>"You love us." Hyunjin said. Minho shook his head, "I love posting my cats on Instagram. I bet on having enough time to hoard Soonie and Dori in there for a picture before Doongie takes us out."</p><p>"Mhm," Hyunjin hummed his doubt, throwing a finger heart back at Minho's middle finger. Then, he called Seungmin out, "Show us your room, Mr. Clean Freak."</p><p>Seungmin's room was <em>very</em> neat, and <em>very</em> pretty. Felix stared at his screen in awe as Seungmin showed them the pictures on his desk, which was placed quite perfectly beneath his window. His curtains were pinned back, and the window behind it was open, a little breeze whisking around the loose part of his curtains. His bed was right next to his desk, a pillow leaned up against the sharp corner, likely so he didn't roll into it while he slept. His door was next to his desk, and his closet was in the opposite wall. He had a shelf of Day6 albums, with a couple of Twice albums beneath them, among others. He had a painting leaning against the wall, which he pointed at, "I swear, Pixie, I'm going to hang that up soon."</p><p>"Pixie painted you something?" Jeongin asked, and Seungmin hummed. Felix explained, "I was upset one day, and Seungmin spent <em>three hours</em> talking me down, so that's a 'thank you' gift!"</p><p>"That's really cute." Jeongin said, pouting. Felix mistook his pout for sadness, and he promised, "I'll paint you something, too!"</p><p>"Not if I do it first." Hyunjin said. Seungmin snorted, and whispered, "Jealousy," teasing Hyunjin. For a moment, Hyunjin glared at him, and then he turned everyone's attention to Changbin and Jisung, "Changbin! Show us Jisung's messy room!"</p><p>Changbin, who had been on Jisung's lap today, got up, taking the phone with him. He switched the camera around and, immediately, Seungmin started laughing, "Why the <em>hell</em> do you need <em>that</em> many beanbags?"</p><p>"They're for our flag colors." Changbin said, pointing at each of the beanbags as he explained, "The pansexual and bisexual flags overlap -- pink and blue, and then there's a purple one for me, and a yellow one for Jisung."</p><p>"Wait. You're pansexual? And Jisung's bi--? I've been calling you gay for like a <em>year</em>, I'm so sorry." Minho said. Changbin and Jisung both laughed; Changbin brushed it off, "We never had the sexuality talk, it's no big deal."</p><p>"Maybe next session will be the sexuality talk." Hyunjin said; Chan cut in immediately, "<em>Actually</em>, Minho is just going to make a whole lot of NSFW jokes so maybe not."</p><p>"Boo." Minho said, to which Hyunjin snorted.</p><p>"Time to figure out who has the messiest room, yeah?" Changbin suggested, setting the phone up and plopping back down on Jisung's lap. Seungmin immediately said, "I vote Hyunjin," and Hyunjin whined, "No you don't."</p><p>"You have sandwich bags all over your floor."</p><p>"Changbin and Jisung have <em>four</em> bean bags."</p><p>"Homophobic." Jisung said, and Hyunjin sputtered, "<em>Shut up</em>, I support you and your sexuality."</p><p>"For the record, Jisung does have three entire containers of cheese whiz in the corner of the room back there." Changbin said, pointing past the camera. Minho gagged, "Okay, yeah, Jisung, you lose."</p><p>"Are the containers empty?" BamBam asked. Jisung said, "No, one of them still has some left. I'll find out which one it is later."</p><p>"Yeah, you lose." BamBam said, to which Chan agreed. Seungmin hummed, "Sandwich bags is still kind of gross."</p><p>"What was <em>in</em> the sandwich bags?" Jeongin asked. Hyunjin looked behind him for a second, "Probably crackers?"</p><p>"Jisung loses."</p><p>"Why did you have to expose my cheese whiz?" Jisung whined. Changbin leaned back against him, smirking, "Because I love you and I want to see you spend your money on our friends."</p><p>"I hate you." Jisung muttered, but he said it with his chin hooked over Changbin's shoulder and his eyes closed as he got comfortable, with Changbin leaning against him.</p><p>"If that's what hate looks like, I'm going to start telling everyone I love them." Minho said. Seungmin snorted, and Hyunjin said, "That is what hate looks like. 100%. Say you love me."</p><p>"I can't stand you." Minho said.</p><p>"My heart is broken."</p><p>"And I'm sure we're running out of time." Chan said. Hyunjin glanced down, and gasped, "We have like two minutes. Okay. Jisung, send us money pronto, and everyone send your boba purchase to the group chat! Your pillow forts, too!"</p><p>"Let's have a pillow fort and boba date on FaceTime this saturday." Jeongin suggested; everyone was happy with that. Zoom was down to thirty seconds by the time everyone agreed that noon worked for everyone; Hyunjin got the final word in, "I love all of you! The real kind of love!" before he ended the call.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'M HERE! I'm so sorry this took so long omg :( this and addicted to life are both updated and safe to read! ot9 but with bambam ♡<br/>also, I've decided to expose my <a href="https://twitter.com/SE0SUNN">twitter</a>, come talk to me if you want! ♡</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Where Will We End Up?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><b>tw</b> none</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Where do you think we're going to end up?"</p><p>"That's ambiguous." Minho said. "What time frame are we talking about here? A week, twenty years, after we die...?"</p><p>"We could die anytime." Seungmin reminded, popping a blueberry in his mouth, and Minho hummed, "You're right."</p><p>"You two are so depressing." Changbin said.</p><p>"Yeah, Bin, welcome to Chan's-- er, Hyunjin's, now, I guess-- Therapy Club, we're all fucked up here." Seungmin said, popping another blueberry into his mouth. Changbin rolled his eyes.</p><p>"I mean this group. Do you think we'll be friends down the road? Do you think anyone else will start to date? Predict our futures!" Hyunjin said. "I can start. I have a whole story."</p><p>"Where we will end up from Hyunjin's perspective?" Chan asked, urging Hyunjin to start. Hyunjin dove in immediately: "Jeongin and I are going to get married right after he graduates college -- and we'll be married <em>before</em> Jisung and Changbin, claiming our dominance as the best relationship of anyone in the group. BamBam will go on to be <em>really</em> successful, and he'll make the most money, so he'll always pay for our dinner dates because he loves us. Chan will be really successful too! But he'll never be as rich as BamBam because BamBam is destined to always be superior to the rest of us. Jisung and Changbin will probably end up doing something really random because they're always unpredictable and weird, and they're going to die together, I just know it. One of them will probably drop out of college because they're too good for the traditional education system. Seungmin will end up as a CEO or some other really intimidating boss that can get people to do whatever he wants, but he'll always be really nice and fair to everyone! Minho's going to adopt like six more cats and become a vet at one point, no matter what he tries to do at first. I bet he'll be a dancer, for fun or for money. Maybe a dance teacher! He's really, <em>really</em> good at dancing. I was always really jealous of him in dance class -- but that's off-topic! Let's see... Felix will be a model or something because he's so pretty and sweet that the world should know all about him! My Jeongin is going to become a kindergarten teacher because he wants to and he can do whatever his heart desires. I'll probably be the most broke and useless out of all of us, but that's okay, because you guys love me and won't let me starve to death!"</p><p>"I am <em>definitely</em> going to drop out of college." Jisung said, and Minho snorted. BamBam asked, "How do you know? You haven't even started!"</p><p>"I don't even want to start." Jisung groaned. "I'll be lucky if I graduate <em>high school</em> at this rate."</p><p>"You're going to graduate." Changbin said, determined and strict, and Jisung groaned again, rolling his head back against Changbin's shoulder. "I don't want to. I'm going to drop out of high school. Changbin will drop out of college because he wants to. Everyone else will make it. Those are my predictions."</p><p>"You're boring." Jeongin said. "What about our <em>love lives</em>? Obviously Jisung and Changbin will stay together, and Hyunjin and I will stay together. I bet Chan's going to date someone really sweet who understands him well and will make fun of his ex -- and he'll meet that person really soon! BamBam will probably meet someone before he graduates, too, and they'll be a little younger than him because he's old. Minho will be the last one to date someone. Hyunjin and I have been betting on Felix and Seungmin dating, and we're always right, so they'll date!"</p><p>"Why do you think <em>I'll</em> find love last?" Minho asked, offended. Jeongin shrugged, "Because you're the only one of us who's afraid of love, and it'll take you a little while to come around."</p><p>Minho pursed his lips, "Okay. You got me there."</p><p>"But, don't worry, someone will make you open up! And you'll be comfortable with them, and they'll make you realize that love isn't scary and that you deserve it!" Jeongin said. Minho blinked at his camera a few times, awkward, "I-- thanks?"</p><p>"You're welcome." Jeongin said, smiling. "What do you think about our futures, Minho?"</p><p>"I choose not to think about the future." Minho said. "But I do think you'll all end up somewhere good. Hyunjin's little comment about fate a couple weeks back got me thinking that we'll all be okay, at least."</p><p>"Boring." Hyunjin said. Minho's jaw clenched, and Hyunjin revised: "Sweet! It was sweet."</p><p>"That's what I thought, asshole." Minho said, narrowing his eyes. "Chan? Where do you think we'll end up?"</p><p>"Wherever our hearts take us." Chan said. Minho blinked at him once, and Chan laughed, "Okay, okay. I don't know, honestly. I have a strong feeling we'll all still be friends. We might still be doing this -- out of quarantine, I hope, but I know we'll all still talk. Maybe it'll be a lot harder to gather all nine of us, but, look at us. Felix and Seungmin FaceTime all the time. I know Hyunjin and Jeongin have joined in -- Minho, too, probably. BamBam and I have been calling Changbin and Jisung here and there just to check in and mess around sometimes. We're all branching off from the friends we came in with and getting closer to each other individually. We don't need the whole group to get along with each other, and that's promising. We'll all be friends, I know that, and we'll always have each other to lean on. Life won't be that difficult, since we'll stick together."</p><p>"That's relieving to think about, you know." Changbin said, leaning toward the camera -- as far as he could with his chin on Jisung's neck, being that Jisung was on his lap <em>again</em>. "Life has always been pretty scary because... I mean, it's always just been Jisung and I. His grandma, too, of course, but our families haven't been the most reliable or safe people to be around. Now we have an actual family, and life is so much better, so much less terrifying with a good family."</p><p>"Aren't families supposed to have adults?" Seungmin asked, with at least six blueberries in his mouth.</p><p>"Who needs adults when you have nine people who have each been through enough shit for an entire lifetime?" Minho asked, and Seungmin hummed, "You're right."</p><p>"Pixie!" Jeongin said, sudden and bright, making Minho and Jisung jolt from the noise. Felix's eyes went a bit wide, too, but he was only shocked for a moment; Jeongin spoke over everyone's surprise: "Where does Pixie think we'll end up?"</p><p>"I don't know, but I want all of you to come to Australia with me!" Felix said. "I want to take my favorite people through my hometown. Since we'll be friends years from now, maybe we can all take a trip together!"</p><p>"That sounds like a lot of fun, Pixie." Jeongin said happily. "But you have to teach me a lot of English! I don't want to get lost by myself!"</p><p>"You'll always have me, baby," Hyunjin winked, and Jeongin groaned, "But your English sucks."</p><p>"<em>Innie!</em>" Hyunjin whined, and Jeongin laughed, "I'm joking, I'm joking! I love your English, Jinnie, I'm sorry."</p><p>"I'm good at English." Hyunjin groaned, and then he laughed at himself, "No, I'm not. Pixie, you have to teach Jeongin and I English."</p><p>"Me, too." Changbin chimed in. Minho said, "I have no interest whatsoever in the English language," and Felix pouted at him, "But you'll still come to Australia with the rest of us, right?"</p><p>"I will come to Australia exclusively because you want me to." Minho said. Felix beamed, "You're the best!"</p><p>"We should have an English session down the road." Chan suggested, and Minho wildly protested, "I will never show up to another one of these meetings again, Chan, so help me God--"</p><p>"What do you have against English?" Seungmin asked, amused, and Minho said, "Studying."</p><p>"I felt that deep in my soul." Jisung said. Changbin scolded him, "You're <em>going</em> to graduate. I'll log us off right now and make you study--"</p><p>"You're like his mom." Minho said, and Jisung nodded, while Changbin protested, and slapped Jisung's thigh for agreeing. Jisung jolted, laughing at the hit, and the rest watched for a moment, amused.</p><p>"I think, wherever we end up, we'll always be like this." Seungmin said, still eating his blueberries, but the chewing didn't disrupt his speaking patterns: "I don't think we'll ever change. Maybe we'll be happier, but Minho will always be our crabby old man, and I'll always tease everyone, and Hyunjin will forever be our clown. BamBam and Chan will always be more mature than the rest of us. Jisung and Changbin will always be together. Felix and Jeongin will always be the ones we baby. I find comfort in that."</p><p>"I find comfort in that, too." BamBam said. "For the record, I agree with all of you. We'll all be friends, and we'll <em>all</em> be successful, including you, Hyunjin, whether that means staying in school or not. I hope you all stay in school, though. School is important. Stupid, but important."</p><p>"See?" Jisung turned to Changbin. "BamBam thinks school is stupid."</p><p>"<em>And important</em>." Changbin pinched Jisung's thigh, and Jisung shrieked, and Minho whined at them, "You two are so <em>noisy</em>."</p><p>"And you're stuck with us for the rest of your life!" Jisung beamed. Minho groaned; of course, he was still really bad at hiding his adoration for the rest of them, so everyone saw how he was smiling.</p><p>"I hope quarantine is over soon, so we can all see each other. I miss being able to force all of you to hug me." Hyunjin said. Minho agreed, in his own way, "I miss being able to punch you when you said something stupid."</p><p>"So <em>you're</em> the one who punched me last year!" Hyunjin said. Seungmin snorted, "It took you that long to figure it out?"</p><p>"Have you really been thinking about that for a <em>year</em>?" Changbin asked. Hyunjin huffed, "I remember every bit of physical contact I receive ever."</p><p>"Sounds like a special talent." BamBam said, and Hyunjin nodded, proud of himself, "It is."</p><p>"We're almost out of time, right?" Jeongin asked, and Hyunjin nodded, pouting, "Three minutes. We're all going to get pretty busy with life now, right? School starts up again. Summer's almost over."</p><p>"We'll still find time for each other. Maybe not all nine of us, but we always have FaceTime for bad nights, and the group chat for extra bad nights." Chan comforted. Hyunjin nodded, but he had begun to tear up. Jeongin pouted, and reached toward his screen, "Hyunie? Why are you crying?"</p><p>"I don't know." Hyunjin said, laughing a little. "These calls just mean a lot to me, I guess. I'm okay."</p><p>"If you call us every day, we won't be upset." Minho said. Hyunjin chuckled, though it was drowned with tears, "That means a lot coming from the guy who hates me the most."</p><p>"You know I don't actually hate you, right?" Minho asked, and Hyunjin just hummed, still rubbing his eyes, refusing to look up. Minho sighed softly, "Hyunjin. I love you."</p><p>"HA!" Hyunjin said, looking up; and Seungmin cursed. Minho looked bewildered, and Hyunjin laughed, "I knew I'd get him to say it!" and Seungmin groaned, "Minho, you are so <em>weak</em>, I hate you!"</p><p>"What--?" Chan started, and Jeongin explained while Seungmin dropped his head on his desk and Hyunjin celebrated, "These two made a bet a few weeks ago over whether or not Hyunjin could get Minho to say 'I love you' directly to him before summer ended. Not 'we love you' or 'I love all of you' or any names like 'nerd' attached. Just: I love you."</p><p>"And I won! And Seungmin owes me a month of boba!" Hyunjin said. Minho narrowed his eyes, "You bet on my love?"</p><p>"Yes." Hyunjin beamed. Minho rolled his eyes, "Enjoy your boba, you stupid nerd."</p><p>"Thank you! I love you!" Hyunjin said, blowing a kiss at the camera. Minho rolled his eyes, but played along -- pretended to catch the kiss and slapped it against his cheek. "End the call before anyone says anything about what I just did."</p><p>"I will be using FaceTime every single night!" Hyunjin warned. "The rest of you had better talk to each other as well, and send messages to the group chat as much as you can! Stay safe and happy! I love you!"</p><p>Everyone waved, and Hyunjin sniffled -- those tears had been real, but Minho saying 'I love you' had definitely been a mood booster -- before he ended the call for the last time that summer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>and that concludes addicted to zoom! thank you for reading and I hope you all still had fun despite this fic having no mystery factor like addicted to life ♡</p><p>+ here's my <a href="https://twitter.com/SE0SUNN">twitter</a> ♡ please take care!</p>
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